She Doesn’t Want Long Distance. Should I Give Up?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/21/12

Reader Question:

I’ve been dating someone and have grown quite fond of her. We actually dated last summer as well, but one of our issues is long distance. She’s had bad experiences with long distance and says she doesn’t want to do that again. Second, she’s not over her ex-boyfriend.

I really like her and feel a strong connection. She says she likes me, too. I want to continue talking to her but only if it’s going to lead toward a relationship. Also, I need her to be honest about her contact with her ex and if she has plans to see him.

Should I just give up on this since she’s telling me she doesn’t want to be in a long-distance relationship?

-D. (Houston)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

I mean this gently, but how much more honest can the young woman be? She’s told you she doesn’t want a long-distance relationship and she still has feelings for her ex-boyfriend. But it seems like you aren’t completely believing it.

You may be mislead by her actions – that includes spending time with you and perhaps talking to you on a regular basis. But I’d pay attention to her words here. My instinct tells me she’s not playing hard to get.

So why give her the benefits of your attention and friendship if she isn’t earning them by reciprocating?


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