She Has a Boyfriend. Do I Have a Chance with Her?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I was dating this lovely woman. Right from the get-go she told me she has a boyfriend. She let me know she has been in a relationship for seven years.

As I was holding her hands, I noticed the ring. As she was leaving, we could not help but make out for two hours. Our next date was a couple of weeks later and she spent the night (we didn’t do it). The third date I took her on a nice getaway to hot spring resort.

She later asked me, “What if we were to remain friends?” I was appalled but said, “I will always be your friend.” She told me we’re going too fast and I have to be friends with her first.  Since then, I have not seen her aside from texting or talking on the phone.

Do you believe I have any chance with her?

Amir (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Amir,

If you’ve been reading my column, you know I don’t mince words. I am trying to think of a gentle way to break your heart, but I just can’t find a way.

OK, let me put it this way: Boy, are you in love!

When you fall for a woman, you fall hard. In fact, you fall so hard (uh oh, here comes my bluntness) that you lose complete self-respect.

Why would you waste your money and your time on an engaged woman who is a liar and a cheat? There. I’ve said it.

Now, as to the answer to your question, do I think you have a chance with her? Yes.

You have a chance to get a big, fat broken heart. You have a chance to get an STD. You have a chance to get assaulted by her fiance. (I hope I was joking on that last one.)

I do promise you this: This is a unique opportunity. It is a unique opportunity for you to say no, for you to demand relationship definition, for you to find the love you deserve.

Never love someone who can’t love you back.

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