She Refuses to Text/Call First. Do I Always Have to Start the Conversation?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

We’ve been talking and stuff for a while, not official, but we’ve already had that initial first date and first few chats (it’s been a month). She refuses to text/call me first. I don’t want her to think I’m clingy, nor do I want her to think she has complete control and she can ignore me for days and I’ll always come running.

She has hinted she won’t text/call the guy first before, but I’ve never dated someone who actually DIDN’T do it at least once.

Do I always need to start the conversation with someone I’m “talking” to?

-Adam (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:


At this point, you do.

Here’s a little biology lesson: Sperm chases egg. Not the reverse.

In the early stages of dating, men will do more chasing if the woman is worth it. If you are being received with a happy voice on the other end of the phone, that is enough of an indication she is interested.

Don’t worry. Take things slowly. Change up your pattern. Take a few days off between calls. Make her wonder if you are losing interest. Be cool. Contain yourself. The dance only happens once in each relationship.

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