Should I Write Her an Apology Letter, or Should I Let it Go?

Nick Slade Nick Slade • 6/22/12

Reader Question:

A gal I really like asked me for my number but has not called yet. It’s been about three weeks. Part of me sensed that she was annoyed when asking for my number, maybe because I had not asked for hers. I guess I handled things all wrong. I don’t know why I didn’t ask her for her number. I am not good at talking on the phone maybe that’s why. Should I write her a letter or just let it go?

-C.W. (California)

Expert’s Answer:

Hello, C.W.

Since you’re a lot closer to this situation than I am, I think I would rely on your instincts, which seem to be right on the money. All of your answers are really evident from your letter.

Maybe it would help if you understood a woman’s instincts a little better first. Liking her a lot is not enough. Telling her that you really like her may hold her attention for a while, but it won’t get you where you want to go in the long run. You have to show a woman that you care for her.

Men thrive on the chase, and women need to be pursued. If you expect to get any points in her book, you need to prove you are a man and she is the ongoing object of your affection.

It takes a lot for a woman to abandon the normal rules and ask for a man’s number. She did it for one reason and one reason only, so you would ask for her number. She was trying to help you along because she thought you might be too shy or afraid to ask for hers, so she left no doubt that she was interested.

She was not annoyed with you at all. She felt humiliated and like a fool when you did not take the hint.

You should have been brave enough to take the bull by the horns and ask her out, and you needed to show her that you had the intention of dating her again by asking for her number and then calling her. Did you expect her to just wait around until you happened to bump into each other again?

If it’s not too late, a letter (one page!) or personal visit might be good. Expect a pretty chilly response at first. Apologize and don’t make excuses. Tell her what a bumbling idiot you are when it comes to dating, and ask for a fresh start because a date with the old C.W. is not what she’s looking for.

If you are on a date with her and wish you were holding her hand, take her hand. All of the things you’ve been holding back are all the signs of your affection she’s been craving. Be the man she wants you to be. After all, if she gives you another shot now, she must really think you’re worth it.

Nick