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|Jordan Harbinger • 9/25/14|
Are you getting walked on in your relationship? If so, you have no one to blame but yourself. As a man, it’s up to you to be assertive in your relationship.
If you have a naturally deferential personality, you don’t have to become a totally different person. You do, however, need to start cultivating a few simple habits that are going to guarantee you remain autonomous and don’t become a doormat in your relationship.
Read on to find out more about the simple, small things you can do to make sure you’re not getting walked all over by your girlfriend.
Does she want you spend all day with her at the craft fair or check out some terrible romcom with Ryan Gosling that you’re just not down with? Don’t be afraid to tell her no and don’t apologize for it.
Believe me, I understand more than anyone that compromise is part of any relationship. However, if you want to maintain your autonomy and not get walked all over, you have to get used to setting boundaries, maintaining them and telling her no sometimes without giving any apologies or excuses for it.
Seeing a theme here? Just like you need to be able to tell her no without making any excuses or apologies, you need to be very clear and direct sometimes about what you want.
This is another part of setting boundaries but also being assertive. After all, if you tell her what you want and ask for what you need, she can never say she had no idea.
You might not get everything you ask for, but you’ll rarely get anything when you don’t ask for it.
“When you compromise, both
parties get what they want.”
Don’t let anyone pressure you into making decisions before you’re ready, including – no, especially – your girlfriend. If you need time to think things over, take as much time as you need to do it.
Don’t let someone else force you to come to a decision before you’re ready. Again, this is something you need to do without apologizing or making excuses about.
Taking time allows you to come to the right decision in your own time. Don’t let anyone prevent you from doing that.
There’s a phrase that goes something like, “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.” Maybe you need to start living in this world more than the one you currently do.
Stop asking your girlfriend for permission to do things and just start doing them. You’ll be amazed at how good it feels and how much stress it takes away from other areas of your life.
Remember what I said above about compromise? You’re going to have to do it. What you don’t have to do is give in.
Remember when you compromise, both parties get a little bit of what they want. If you’re not getting at least a little bit of what you want (hopefully more than that), you’re not compromising. You’re giving in.
That’s exactly what you need to stop doing.
Photo source: bp.blogspot.com.