There’s a reason the word “risk” is inside of “frisky.” When you’re in the mood, anything can sound like a good idea – even some dangerous sex positions.
These are eight positions you do NOT want to try.
8. The Swiss Ball Blitz
This one seems like a bunch of fun. When on top of an exercise ball with a girl on your lap, your thrusts are bouncier and more exuberant.
However, the issue with this one is the increased likelihood of breaking your penis. How could that happen? Any time you slip completely out of her, it’s a risk you won’t go directly back in.
With this much bounce and trounce, gravity might just bring her total body weight crashing down… on to your crotch.
7. The Butter Churner
You’ve been looking for a position that will increase her pleasure – kudos to you – and you’ve decided on one that’ll send blood rushing to her head.
Just one problem: hyperextension.
You know better than anyone your penis is a delicate organ, and you do not want to pull the muscles in it. When you stretch it to bend down, that’s exactly what can happen. Save the butter churning for the experts.
6. The Body Builder
A few weeks of heading to the gym makes this one seem like a piece of cake. After all, you just have to hold her up and you can lean on a wall.
That’s all fine and dandy until one of two things happens:
- Your arms start to give
- You begin to sweat
Either one means you lose your grip and she begins to fall while your penis is inside of her. That’s when you both end up in the ER – her with a broken spine and you with a broken boner.
5. The Pair of Tongs
If you’re worried about arm strength at all, this is not the position to try.
While she attempts to support herself in a side plank, you hold on to her waist and enter her sideways. As soon as you start pumping, there will be all kinds of strain on both of you. And if either of you gives at all… well, you’ll both be a pile of pulled muscles in no time.
Save the tongs for salad.
4. The London Bridge
To even set up for this position requires some gymnastic ability. You get on all fours and face upward. Then she has to get on top of you without knocking your limbs out from under you.
Now unless your lady is as light as a feather – literally – this is going to cause some back strain… a lot of back strain. As you try to push yourself up into her, that pressure will switch to your wrists and ankles, and that will really hurt.
Though it wouldn’t hurt quite as much as if your hands slipped from underneath you. That would bring your companion forcefully down on to your spine, your pelvis and your penis.
3. The Triple Lindy
I don’t know who thought attempting this one was a good idea, but I assure you it’s not.
In your attempts to look like ice skating superstars – minus the ice skates – you may find yourself standing and holding your woman from behind. Meanwhile, she’s facing out and putting most of her weight on your penis. Try not to buckle because if that happens, her face will likely bust and your penis will likely fracture.
The bright side: For a fail that epic, the judges would probably give you a 10.
2. The Countertop
I’m sure some of you have fantasized about having sex on a counter or desk. As nice as it might seem, it should probably stay a fantasy.
When men are forced to stand on tiptoe to insert themselves into a woman, there’s a definite increased risk for penile fracture. You’re off balance on your toes. You’re out of your comfort zone, and you just might end up ramming into her pelvic bone – or worse, the countertop.
1. Erotic Asphyxiation
This is probably the easiest of all these positions to perform, but it is also the most dangerous.
Your partner’s hands probably feel great around your neck at first. The loss of oxygen to your brain increases your feelings of giddiness and pleasure, which heightens the experience.
However, if they don’t cut back the pressure in time, that loss of oxygen to your cells can cause brain damage or death.
You know the consequences are major if they make a broken penis seem not so bad.
It’s difficult, but try to think with your big head on this one. No sex position is worth taking future sex off the table, especially not for forever.
(For some safe and fun sex positions, check out our article about the best threesome positions!)