We Haven’t Defined the Relationship. What’s Your Advice?

November 16, 2012
We Haven’t Defined the Relationship. What’s Your Advice?

Reader Question:

I have spent the night with the same girl for multiple weekends in a row. I called her this week and she told me she was putting makeup on to go out to have a drink of wine with another guy, but she insisted it was casual. She then sends a text asking if my feelings were hurt because she was going out with another guy. She has made a few statements here and there about how our relationship hasn’t been defined and we will have the talk. She then posted a picture of the “date” on a social media site. Advice needed.

-Jake (Michigan)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

She is doing everything she can do to make you pursue her harder. This woman is looking for relationship definition, but probably isn’t brave enough to ask directly and insist on exclusivity. So she’s trying to get you to do it, by flaunting another guy.

The ball is now in your court. If you want her to be your exclusive girlfriend, ask her. If not then, keep hooking up with her and all the other guys’ germs.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013). Connect with her on Google+.

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6 Responses

    wendys right, u have got to just go for it and not look back

      pssshh, no way. She’s playing some serious games. If she wants to date around and mingle with other guys, let her. Try to ask her ONCE what she wants from you and then see if it’s worth it. In my opinion it’s not.

      When a girl likes a guy, she’ll see how far it’ll go without seeing other guys first (that’s my case at least) It’s unfair to mislead more than one guy.

        C. Price
        Cynthia Price (DatingAdvice.com)

        The only thing I could say to defend this is that a lot of women think single and ready to mingle means more than one at a time!

    y dont u do what shes doing and see other people 2?

    If you want to be exclusive with her, you need to ask her. It sounds like she dropping hints, but you won’t know for sure until you talk to her. It’s true that she should probably be direct and honest with you too, but you can be the man by letting her know what you want. If she doesn’t want a relationship and you do, it’s time to move on.

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