What Good is Confidence if Women Don’t Give You the Time of Day?

June 14, 2013
What Good is Confidence if Women Don’t Give You the Time of Day?

Reader Question:

Women say confidence is very important, but what good is having confidence if women don’t give a guy the time of day?

I’ve also heard if you don’t have (confidence) it, fake it. The problem with that logic is the woman will see through it over time.

What do you think?

-Brian (Oklahoma)

Dr. Wendy Walsh:

Dear Brian,

You’re right. Confidence must be real. Faking it backfires every time. However, how does one become confident if a guy is feeling rejected by women?

Here’s the secret: I think life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. In other words, if you think you don’t have a chance with women, you will unconsciously choose women who will reject you so that your belief system will be validated.

Confidence starts by silencing the critical voices inside your own head. It continues by basing your self-worth not on people’s reaction to you, but on loving yourself and being proud of your own values.

Self-love is sexy, but it is very different from selfishness. Self-love means caring for your mental and physical health and being compassionate toward others.

I highly suggest you talk to a therapist or counselor about other ways you can authentically work to increase your confidence.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013). Connect with her on Google+.

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