Reader Question:
Why is it that a good number of people don’t accept responsibility in a relationship besides being in a state of denial?
-Tom
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
Hmmm….are you suggesting that a “good number of people” refuse to see things your way? Here’s a newsflash: Couples live in two different worlds. Each partner sees the relationship in terms of their own perspective and personal psychology.
The best we can do as partners is to attempt to understand where our lover is coming from, why their tender spots make them erupt or recoil and how best we can communicate our own needs in a way to be heard.
We can’t always make them understand us. But when there is conflict, we can choose to put the relationship first. Winning the relationship is often better than winning the battle.
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I’m glad this is finally in words. I always tried to explain to myself how my grandparents, for example, were in love and wed till death did them part….they truly understood each other from every angle every point of view and no matter what kind of differences they had, they managed to figure out a way to work it out together.