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|Bethany Heinesh • 6/22/12|
When you first become involved with someone, you can’t get enough of each other and it’s all you can do to keep your hands to yourself. There aren’t enough hours in the day to satisfy your desire to gaze longingly at each other, talking about absolutely nothing. Calling 200 times a day just to hear her breathe is totally acceptable in the early days, when you’re spending every dime of your paycheck to impress her.
If you’ve been involved with a woman for a while, don’t be surprised if you aren’t feeling the fire you did when you first met. What you felt in the early stages was infatuation, fondness and lust, but it wasn’t love. Love is a decision not an emotion.
We have a tendency to think love will feel wonderful all the time and never bring us grief. We expect to float through life on a pink cloud once we find our soul mate, but the truth is that a lasting relationship is about far more than just feeling good.
It’s not uncommon for women to lose interest in a relationship, and it usually doesn’t take very long. We expect romance, wining and dining, an atmosphere of mystery and a certain degree of pampering. When we don’t get our needs met, no matter how demanding, we convince ourselves we’re missing out on something better and begin to look elsewhere.
The longer you stay in a relationship, the more you begin to learn what love and companionship are really all about, which has very little to do with the experience you shared at the beginning of your relationship. If you want to have a lasting relationship, but it seems that your woman is losing interest, there are some things I think you should know.
First of all, when the thrill of meeting someone new wears off, and a relationship no longer measures up to the fairy-tale standard to which we have become so accustomed, we have doubts. When a relationship begins to lack passion, we believe the warm fuzzies will never return. If a man ceases to make us feel butterflies, we become bored.
You must be dedicated to keeping the love alive by appealing to her need for newness. This can be done in the most elementary of fashions. Leave her a love poem, bring her a single red rose, take her hand in the street. Do something every day that keeps her guessing and wanting more. If every day you give her butterflies, you’ve got her for life.
“If you sense she’s losing interest in
the relationship, talk to her about it.”
If a woman thinks she’s doomed for a lifetime of mediocrity, we will most certainly lose interest. Never become OK with being average or make the mistake of getting comfortable in a relationship. Always seek to become a better man. Take classes, run a marathon, enter a Scrabble competition. Watching a man pursue his dreams is hot, and we never grow disinterested in helping him accomplish his goals.
The “can’t get enough” feelings you had when you first met your partner are very shallow and do not have the staying power of a mature and profound connection. Of course, chemistry is a necessary ingredient for a lasting relationship, but it certainly shouldn’t be the only factor upon which the entire relationship is based. Common interests, similar goals, and compatible spiritual beliefs are the essentials for lasting love.
Find activities you and your girlfriend enjoy doing together. It can be something as silly as completing a jigsaw puzzle or as magnificent as climbing Mount St. Helens. By engaging in joyful pursuits as a couple, you will grow in the same direction and feel a strong sense of unity.
If your relationship seems to have “fizzled,” be grateful. It is only now that you can accurately determine whether it has the potential to withstand the test of time. When you are blinded by lust, it is impossible to see the other person for who they really are. When you’re able to evaluate a relationship objectively, you can decide if you want to move forward.
If you sense she’s losing interest in the relationship, talk to her about it. Ask if there is anything you can do to rekindle the flame you once shared. Be attentive and listen openly without judgment. Accept constructive criticism and take action where it’s needed. You owe it to yourself to find out if the person you are with is really someone you want to spend another year with, let alone a lifetime.