From voodoo and potions, to spray tans and boob jobs, we’ve all done crazy things in the name of finding love. As the plot of every romcom ever has taught us, romance often comes when we’re least expecting it.
If you’re Kate Hudson, you’re probably falling down a staircase or something, but for everyone else, waiting for the music to swell and your eyes to meet a beautiful stranger probably doesn’t seem the most effective use of time.
Before you start launching yourself down escalators, here are a few tips to help you open yourself up to love.
1. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Common interests and hobbies are a good foundation to any relationship, especially romantic ones. The best way to meet people that like the same things you do is to keep doing them.
Join a book club or a soccer team. Get involved with a charity you care about. Surrounding yourself with people who are passionate about the same things as you gives you an opportunity to build relationships with them and their social circles.
While you might not meet the man of your dreams at your feminist book circle, don’t discount the power of having good friends in your corner. Your Zora Neale Hurston enthusiast BFF might have a cousin or unattached male roommate that could be the Tea Cake to your Janie.
2. Move forward.
It’s unpleasant to think about but most of your relationships are going to fail, and be it incompatibility, infidelity or a myriad of other things, it’s easy to let love lost leave you bitter. Do your best to stay positive.
Breakups are hard and they often bring up the darkest parts of our nature. They exacerbate insecurities and bring up hardships from the past. Take the time to let yourself fully heal and move past an ex before jumping into a new relationship, but don’t let a bad breakup make you stagnate.
Think of it as a learning experience rather than a personal failing and be gentle with yourself.
3. Be positive.
Whether Oprah has you making a vision board or karma has you paying it forward, maintaining a positive attitude is a good start to drawing better things toward yourself. Dogma aside, let yourself be happy.
Having an optimistic outlook on your life tells people you’re someone worth getting to know. After all, if you’re not excited about your future, other people may be inclined to feel the same. Beyond a sense of humility, be your own biggest cheerleader.