Am I Wasting My Time, or Am I Expecting Too Much Too Soon?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I’ve been dating this guy for about three months now. I think I made the mistake of sleeping with him after just one month because we really hit it off.

Ever since then, he has started to pull away. Sometimes I try to pull away and be busy, which works with him, but it may only last less than a week.

I’ve realized I’ve also been acting “needy” by questioning him about things, such as not returning my calls or texts in a timely manner or not paying me enough attention.

I asked him numerous times where this was going, and he always says he likes to “take things slow” or he “needs to still get to know me better.”

Am I just wasting my time dating this guy, or am I just expecting too much too soon?


-Jasmine B. (Texas)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

First of all, it is not “acting needy” to ask for a definition of a relationship where you are sexually involved. In my opinion, too many young women put up with low-criteria relationships because they are afraid they will appear needy.

And, for goodness sakes, if you are sleeping with someone you know so little about, I hope you are using condoms every time. And to be effective in helping prevent STDs, they must be put on before oral sex as well.

You’re right about sleeping with him too soon. Relationships that become sexual before they are clearly defined run the risk of loosing steam before they ever get off the ground.

As for what to do now…. Tell him you need to slow down, too. You moved too fast sexually and you’d like to be friends for a while to better determine if this early chemistry has long-term potential.

Then don’t pursue him. Yes, you may lose him. But now you know what doesn’t work and you can use this wisdom next time around.

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