Am I Still in the Friend Zone?

Bethany Heinesh Bethany Heinesh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

OK, so I met this guy online and I gave him my number. When I asked him what he was looking for, all he said was a friendship. He already knew I was sort of into him, so I told him that was fine and I wouldn’t cross any lines. Now he talks to me every night until I fall asleep.

He told me he would make time for me, and he said he didn’t have time for a girlfriend. He said he was excited about meeting me. He wants to listen to my problems. He has told his best friend about me, and he thinks I am funny. Not to mention that he said he wanted my dad and friends to like him, but he was not worried about his friends liking me.

I am not sure if I am still in the friend zone or not. We meet tomorrow and I am not sure how to act.

-Sarah S. (Georgia)

Expert’s Answer:

Oh, Sarah, how I feel your pain. Guys can be so confusing sometimes. Here are some things to think about, which may put things into perspective for you. First of all, if you met him on a dating site, clearly the guy is looking for some kind of romance, otherwise, why the heck would he be on there in the first place? Second, if he’s on the phone with you every night (and it sounds like the conversations are pretty intense), he obviously thinks you have a fantastic personality and enjoys talking with you.

You say you are meeting him tomorrow? What is the nature of your get together? Are you going to dinner? Coffee? If so, it sounds to me like you are going on what I like to call a quasi-date. This means he wants to meet you face to face to see how it goes. By saying he doesn’t have time for a relationship, and insisting he is only interested in being friends, he is giving himself an easy out. This way, if he isn’t physically attracted to you or doesn’t feel any chemistry, he can back out without feeling guilty.

Guys don’t tell you they care about impressing your dad and stay up late on the phone with you if they are merely interested in being friends. It sounds to me like he is definitely intrigued but wants to play it safe.

Here’s my advice: Go out with the guy and keep an open mind. See where the evening goes. Pay attention to his body language, particularly his eyes. You’re a smart gal, and I have complete confidence you will have a better idea of where you stand before the night is over. No matter what, though, DO NOT sleep with him or go back to his place. Have fun and be safe. Check in with me after the date and tell me how it went. Together, we can figure this out.

Good luck!