Many stereotypes and generalizations portray men as all about sex and fearful of commitment, but are all men really scared of commitment?
The short answer is no. The long answer is a little more complicated, involving several individual factors, such as a man’s personal, career and relationship goals, maturity, emotional readiness and timing.
As relationships grow into potential long-term commitment, fears, anxieties and questions are bound to surface in men and women alike.
Men specifically weigh the pros and cons of serious commitment while considering a perceived loss of freedom and independence, the idea of compromise and what it will be like to engage in lifelong partnership with their partner without neglecting their own needs and goals.
Here is some insight into what I hear from men about commitment:
1. Men wonder about opportunities with other women.
They wonder what it will be like to only be intimate with one woman (you) for the rest of their lives. They sometimes fear sexual boredom.
2. Men secretly evaluate if you will be a good wife and mother.
They pay attention to how you handle conflict, how you make decisions and how you interact with others to determine if your values, beliefs and long-term goals match.
This helps them assess if the bond they have with you now can last forever.
3. Men visualize their future and contemplate marriage.
They think about career goals, family goals, financial goals and retirement goals to see how they can achieve these goals with you by their side.
4. Men fear being controlled and nagged.
When committing, they contemplate what you will think of guys nights, football Sundays, bachelor parties, etc. They wonder what they will be giving up socially and how their friendships will change.
Some men may be concerned about feeling trapped or if they will have to “run” everything by you.
5. A man’s childhood can be a large factor.
They may come from a family where divorce is taboo or the norm. They may have seen an incredibly inspiring and loving relationship between their parents or one that was destructive and unsettling.
Some of their ideas about commitment may be rooted in these experiences.
“Commitment-minded men are
willing to join you to create a future.”
As there are men who are commitment-minded and others who only want to play the field, here are a few signs he’s ready to commit:
1. He is aware of his emotional baggage.
If he’s been heartbroken or burned before, he is able to leave these experiences in the past and not bring them into his relationship with you.
He has let go of the fear that you will hurt him or leave him and if these fears arise, he trusts the strength of the bond you have developed.
If he still has fears about commitment and thinks of running the other direction, he will stay anyway because he is mature and available.
2. He feels confident and successful in his career.
Men are wired to provide, so it is important for him to feel that he is able to provide and protect you (and your future children).
If he hasn’t fully reached his goals, he feels comfortable and satisfied with the path he is on.
3. He invests his time and energy into your relationship.
And he is comfortable spending money while spending time with you. He makes an effort, communicates openly with you and keeps his word.
He may call instead of text, offer to pick you up, spend significant time with your family and friends and support you in achieving your own aspirations.
4. He makes you a large part of his world.
And he introduces you as his girlfriend. His friends, family and co-workers know about you and he has let you in.
He is not scared to plan trips, special events and activities with you in advance.
Commitment-minded men value companionship, shared interests, similar values and goals and are willing to join you to create a meaningful future.