Ladies, we love you. We really do. Once we fall in love, we will gladly die for you. But throwing ourselves in front of a train is quick and easy compared to some of the first dates you want to drag your new guy to.
Please have mercy before you ask us to accompany you to certain places on a first date.
Sure, you really want to bring a date to your best friend’s wedding — just please don’t make it your first date (or second or third). First of all, guys don’t like to get all spiffed up and wear a tie on a date when they really just want to get to know you. They want to be comfortable, as the first date itself will provide enough tension.
Second, having you lead us around by the hand as you introduce us to one friend after another (each with a name and a story that we are not in the state of mind to remember) will make us extremely uncomfortable.
Third, if you and your date are together in fancy clothes (meeting, greeting and dancing), certain assumptions will be made. You will look like a couple, which you’re not. That might get your guy ready to run.
Men don’t like long church ceremonies in unfamiliar surroundings that require them to be still and quiet. A fancy banquet with 300 strangers scares the hell out of us, and even the mixing and mingling with zero familiar faces at a dance is intimidating.
One full day of uncomfortable togetherness at a wedding is likely to be your first and last date with the average guy.
2. Friends and family.
A first date is a time to be alone together. Your common discomfort and fear will put you on a level playing field. It’s not fair if you get to be your relaxed, outgoing self around people who love you while your guy is so uptight that he forgets his own name.
He not only has to impress you, but he also has to impress your friends or family.
Family reunions, birthdays or gatherings to greet a visiting uncle are fine later on, but even then it’s not easy for him to meet your family for the first time if it is a special occasion. When he loves you, he’ll do it for you. But right now he’s just hot for you.
Don’t take him to a party with your friends yet either. You have to learn how to interact with each other first. Even double dates are not good for first dates. An exception might be if he knows the other guy and the two of you start the date alone first with a nice dinner and conversation.
3. Chick flicks.
Yes, Nicholas Sparks movies are sooooo amazing and touching. You really feel compelled to bring this sensitive new guy to see all the twists and turns in the newest drama about separated lovers who finally meet again, only to have her die of cancer?
Well, even sweet, sensitive guys really don’t want to get in touch with their feminine side on a first date. He wants to impress you first with his more manly attributes.
Of course, you will get all emotional and teary, so you might need a nice, tender naked guy to comfort you afterwards. How does that sound for a first date?
“The best ideas for first dates involve the two
of you talking to each other face to face.”
4. Museums, bowling…
Museums and sporting activities can actually be pretty decent first dates — but only if he has an interest in the type of exhibit or has a decent level of ability in the sport.
The Monet or King Tut exhibits might captivate his attention if he already has an appreciation for them, but 12 rooms of Grecian pottery might bore him to death. Every second after the first 10 minutes will seem like a painful eternity, and he will be looking for the exit. Is this what all his time with you will feel like?
And if you have a 160 average in bowling but he hasn’t been to an alley since he was nine when he scored a 48, it might not be a good time to demonstrate your love and ability for the game. It’s fine if he’s good and you stink at it — you don’t have a male ego to deal with. Sure, you won’t care if he’s not a pro, but you should care that he will feel humiliated.
5. Other bad ideas.
Not all bad first date ideas will fill him with dread, like those above. But there are some dates that may put you in a bad light, not advance the relationship, or give him an impression you would like to avoid.
There might be all kinds of scheduling considerations and conveniences of proximity (if you both work downtown, for instance) that make lunch seem like a great idea for a first date. But there is no possibility for bringing a mood of romance to what is really a business lunch.
You are both in business attire, and your heads are both in business mode. There is no chance that reaching across the table to touch his hand will lead to an end-of-date smooch, and a kiss would really feel awkward and out of place anyway.
You are likely to make it seem like your connection has no chemistry or romance if you try to begin a relationship with lunch.
There are times when talk of a certain movie becomes the excuse for the first date. No problem (as long as he really wants to see the movie). But a first date should be more intimate and put you face to face most of the time.
Watching a movie is like being alone next to someone. Dinner before or drinks afterwards, at the very least, should be part of the mix. And no drive-in movies, yet.
Dinner at your place or his.
There is not only room for misinterpretation, but there is also way too much opportunity for the date to go entirely in the wrong direction if you are home. It is pretty much impossible to avoid snuggling on the couch after dinner.
Add a glass of wine and you know the rest of the story. That’s no way to try to build a meaningful relationship.
Five hundred buffalo wings for a dollar at the local saloon and eatery might sound like a great excuse to get together. But before you do it, try eating sauced wings or barbecued ribs at home in front of a mirror.
Chances are, you will either look disgusting to him or not eat. He might look pretty disgusting to you, too.
The best ideas for first dates involve the two of you, alone together, feeling nervous and talking to each other face to face. You want to look pretty and feel as comfortable as possible, so don’t start out with laundry or car wash dates.
Don’t take him to the bar you work at or hang out at, where everybody knows you. And don’t go to his workplace or hangouts either. Both of you should be in the same kind of situation.
Avoid friends and family. Don’t take him out of his comfort zone. Just give him all of your attention and be the amazing girl you are.