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|Rachel Dack • 10/09/15|
I have a very important question for you. Are you dating to find a husband or dating to ensure you choose the RIGHT husband?
Think about it for a moment.
Of course if things go well for you and you are someone who hopes to marry someday, dating will lead to marriage. However, it is important to evaluate if you are rushing this process or forcing a relationship with the wrong guy for the sake of needing a man or husband.
If the goal of dating is purely to check off your imaginary “I have a husband” or “I am no longer single” box, you might be setting yourself up for problems in the present and down the road.
You will be more likely to settle for any potential partner who gives you attention and affection and encompasses some of the qualities you are looking for versus truly getting to know him to decipher if he is ultimately who and what you are looking for.
If you are all about dating just to get married, you might also be so focused on your goal of obtaining a husband that you miss key red flags, put up with a man’s behavior that is unhealthy or potentially toxic and put aside what you are really looking for in order to get married sooner.
With this mentality, you might also scare away or put off great matches who are husband material by rushing the process, talking about the future and bringing up other serious topics too quickly while dating.
Sometimes this mentality results in neediness, clinginess and poor decision-making.
You might also make a man feel as though he is not special to you if it seems to him you would marry anyone out of desperation to marry sooner than later. Bringing up marriage early in the dating process can certainly be a turn-off.
How can you be more in the moment and date in a more mindful, effective and positive way (which by the way, gets you the man of your dreams)?
Here are four tips to get you started:
Make dating into a fun adventure that serves many purposes instead of viewing it as purely the means to achieving a husband.
Ask yourself, “Why is dating important to me? What can I learn about myself from my dating life? What type of man do I hope to attract?”
Be open to learning about yourself, what you like and don’t like and feeling the energy between you and any potential partners. Even a bad date can be an opportunity to learn and grow.
Dating is a lot more fun when you let men court you, pursue you and develop a genuine connection by investing time and being in the moment.
When you sense you are going back into desperate, analytical mode or rushing the process, remember to breathe and enjoy it!
You can do this by being present, listening, communicating and asking questions.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to spend time getting to know each other on an emotional level. Get to know his core values, beliefs, background, passions and goals through effective communication and observation.
You can learn a lot about a man and accurately assess if he is the one you want a future with by how he treats you and others. Let him show you who he is versus predetermining who you think he is or excusing any of his behavior.
Be confident in what you and your guy are developing now. Having positive, enjoyable interactions now sets you up for a healthy, high-quality relationship later.
It is up to you both to create the relationship you want, and unfortunately rushing it and planning too far into the future commonly adds too much pressure to new relationships.
While it is great to plan future dates and activities together, as it shows mutual investment, balance this with relaxing and enjoying getting to know him now.
Photo sources: foodrepublic.com, teartofcharm.com, rachelobeauty.com, usnews.com