I Declined to Go to His House Late. Is He Upset?

Gina Stewart Gina Stewart • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

This man and I met briefly and both of us enjoyed each other’s company. We were texting back and forth for two weeks when he finally asked for another date. The day of the date he cancelled and asked if we could reschedule.

At 10 p.m. he texted me to invite me over to his place for a glass of wine and I politely declined. Feeling like I missed an opportunity to spend time with him, I broke the rule and texted him and asked him out. I didn’t get a response.

Is he upset because I have self-respect to not go to his place so late? How can I express that to him without coming across as being bitchy? Or does this kind of behavior from him say he’s just not into me?

-Cari (Michigan)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

Sometimes in dating you have to put forward an idea and see how someone responds to gauge what type of dater they are and what they want.

With that thought in mind, some guys want booty calls. The only way for them to know if you’re down for booty calls is if they throw out the bait of a late-night invite and determine your responsiveness.

Good for you for maintaining your self-respect. Stick to your guns. You’ve done nothing wrong here by wanting to experience a real date and not a late-night hangout in his home (that is not a date).

If he reaches out with another ill-timed request, you can send out your own feeler and gauge how he responds. You can express how you’re very busy so you tend to plan out your free time in advance.

If there’s a time in the future when he knows he’ll be available, you’d love to make plans to meet up someplace, like a restaurant, coffee shop or wine bar.

If the dude doesn’t respect that request, then he’s not into you for the type of dating you’re looking for and you can move on and find one who is.

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