Do Nice Girls Finish Last?

Women's Dating

Do Nice Girls Finish Last?

Sam Stieler Sam Stieler • 9/25/14

Everyone knows nice girls finish last, right? Nice girls are less likely to get the promotion, to get the recognition they deserve, and, of course, nice girls are less likely to get the guy. But is there more to this “nice girl” problem than meets the eye?

Define “nice.”

What comes to mind when someone mentions a nice girl?

  • Is it a girl who is kind of a doormat?
  • Is it a girl who is always helping other people and never asks for anything in return?
  • Is it a girl who is far more concerned with meeting everyone else’s needs than satisfying her own?

All of the above descriptors create an accurate picture of the stereotypical nice girl, and by contrast, provide a blueprint for drawing the edges around the “mean girl” archetype.

In our culture, a mean girl is any woman who is assertive, who commands attention and demands recognition, who is more concerned with gratifying her own needs than with making sure everyone else is taken care of. As much as a nice girl puts others first, a mean girl makes sure she gets hers, no matter what.

At first glance, it seems obvious most girls want to be nice and “not mean.” But before you pick sides, you need to consider a very important question…


“No man wants to babysit a nice

girl whose needs need to be guessed.”

Are “mean girls” really mean?

Yes, there are plenty of girls out there who are really, truly, deeply mean. Some girls in this world not only act without consideration for others, they actually attempt to willfully hurt anyone who crosses their path. These women are mean, without any doubts, and no girl should aspire to be one of them.

But most girls who receive the mean qualifier don’t really deserve the negative label. A woman’s assertiveness doesn’t make her mean. A woman’s wisely-honed instincts for making sure she gets what wants from her life doesn’t make her a bitch.

It doesn’t take a particularly deep intellectual investigation to understand most of the qualities we assign to mean girls aren’t bad at all. And, conversely, it doesn’t take long to realize many of the qualities we associate with nice girls aren’t as admirable as they may initially appear.

Lots of women who purposefully stay under the radar secretly ache for recognition. A lot of nice girls unconsciously hurt themselves and those around them by repressing their desires and developing resentment for the fact that they never receive what they want, no matter how much they give.

Men like assertive women.

Does the average high-quality male want to date a mean girl who can only be accurately described as a “man eater”? Of course not. But the average high-quality male does want a girl who is in touch with her needs and who is comfortable asking for what she wants.

No man wants to babysit a nice girl whose needs need to be guessed, whose mind he will constantly need to read, and who he will never know if he’s satisfying or not. Men want to date women with a healthy sense of entitlement, and calling this quality mean misses the point.

Kindness is a virtue, but martyring yourself will never get you the life you want. And it certainly will never get you the guy.