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|Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14|
Pop star Taylor Swift may have a red-hot career but it seems the media would rather focus on her string of famous boyfriends and her many heartbreaks.
So what’s going on with Taylor? And what can the rest of us learn from her many losses in the love wars?
Difficulty in finding a peer relationship.
With more women in the workforce and single, childless 20-somethings making more money than their male peers, it has become more difficult for women to meet men who can be a partner and financial peer.
Now imagine how hard it is with Taylor’s über fame and riches.
If a woman subscribes to a traditional gender ideal where the man is the primary provider, those men become fewer and fewer as she rises in economic power.
Reframe your idea of what a great guy is.
Maybe he’s a protector and caregiver. Maybe he’ll have your back no matter what and even help more around the house and with the kids.
We all know money and power are connected, so the solution for you (and Taylor) is to find ways a guy can feel powerful and have a voice outside of money.
“The heartbreak she sings about touches
a nerve with many female fans.”
If her lyrics tell the story, we know Taylor Swift can spot trouble when it walks in and becomes attracted to it to the point where she keeps getting back together with it.
This is a classic pattern of one who craves intimacy but invites in the very thing she fears, that is, one who abandons her at a critical moment of need.
In our culture today, our revolving door of romantic partners suggests many of us suffer from the same unstable attachment style.
It is related to early life neglect or abuse and also to the high degree of mobility in our population.
We moved around as our parents chased new spouses, jobs or education, and instead of learning to bond and stay attached to our friends, we mostly learned to say goodbye.
We also learned saying goodbye hurts, yet we still choose that pattern because it is familiar.
Happiness and feelings of security can be terrifying if we’ve never experienced them before. Learning to trust love and chose people who can love us back in a secure way is a crucial relationship skill.
One thing is for sure about Taylor Swift’s love life: It has provided her with plenty of artistic material. The heartbreak she sings about touches a nerve with many female fans.
We know some men are trouble and we are happy to sing her anthem that we will never, ever get back together.
Ladies, what do you think about Taylor’s love life? Is she too clingy, or does she simply have difficulty finding a relationship? Do you see yourself in her dating style?
Photo source: prepsterpunk.com