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|Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14|
When you’re putting yourself out there on the dating market, it’s important to know your relationship goals.
Do you want a long-term, committed relationship? Are you happy to have a quick fling?
No matter your goals, it’s important your relationship goals are in line with your sexual strategies.
The biggest mistake many women make is to use short-term sexual strategies to obtain a long-term goal.
Please use the scale (adapted from the Sexual Relationships Questionnaire) provided to indicate how much you agree or disagree with each item, keeping in mind the type of relationship in which you would prefer to have sex.
1. I would like to have an ongoing relationship, assuming it was with the right partner.
2. I have no objection to “casual sex,” as long as I like the person I’m having sex with.
3. I’m not really interested in forming a serious relationship right now, even if a seemingly “right” person comes along.
4. Sex without love is OK.
5. I’m looking for a potential spouse and hope to get married before too long.
6. I would love to be closely attached to someone (both emotionally and psychologically) before I could feel comfortable and fully enjoy having sex with the person.
7. I would very much like to find a serious relationship I could be sure would last.
8. It’s OK to have sex outside the confines of a primary relationship.
9. I can imagine myself being comfortable and enjoying “casual sex” with different partners.
10. I try not to fantasize about having sex with someone other than my current partner.
“If you scored high on the long-term strategies,
you likely have a secure attachment style.”
1. Reverse the scores for 3, 5 and 9.
This means 1=5, 2=4, 3=3, 4=2 and 5=1.
2. Now find the average score for 1, 3, 6, 9 and 10.
Hint: Add up all these scores and divide by five. That’s your long-term mating score.
3. Then find the average score for 2, 4, 5, 7 and 8.
Again, add up all these scores and divide by 5. This is your short-term mating score.
If you scored high on short-term sexual strategies, you are less likely to fall in love and more likely to get involved in relationship game playing – the kinds of games that bring a man’s sexual organs closer to you than his heart.
People who score high on short-term strategies also tend to be emotionally avoidant. And avoidant people actually fear closeness.
If you scored high on the long-term strategies, you likely have a secure attachment style.
You are able to be selfless and you are likely to move away from dates who play head games.
You enjoy physical contact, affection and wild sex but mostly in the context of an exclusive relationship. Your relationship goals are long term.
If you scored high on both short-term and long-term strategies, this might be a sign you are more anxious with your relationships.
You desire intense intimacy and want to be loved deeply. You often become obsessed with your big crush.
The reason you have sex is less related to personal pleasure and more often related to a need to feel attached, attended to and to allay fears of abandonment.
Ladies, how do you plan to get your sexual strategies to match up with your relationship goals?
Photo source: hotel-innovador.com.