He Cancelled Our Plans. Does This Guy Not Want to See Me?

Nick Slade Nick Slade • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

My best friend tried to set me up with one of her boyfriend’s friends on a double date. However, it was cancelled due to my friend’s boyfriend’s schedule. So we rescheduled it for a couple days later, but then we tried to do something else that same day. However, when we had that plan, the guy said he couldn’t because he was making dinner. So does this guy not want to see me? (He did say I was cute and he’d see what happens that next time he saw me.)

-Bridget C. (Washington)

Expert’s Answer:

Hi, Bridget.

It’s way too early to fret about this one. He thinks you’re cute, so he wants to see you. He just doesn’t know yet that you are also amazing, so he may not be in a hurry to make the connection right now.

If I understand your letter correctly, the date was on, then postponed, and then on again for later on the original day. Here are the possibilities:

1. He was making dinner!

The coals were already hot and the steak was defrosted or the pasta was in the pot. When the date was put off for a couple days, he decided to eat. Guys get hungry. Younger guys are always hungry.

2. This one is only a remote possibility:

He was excited about meeting up with a cute girl, and then was disappointed when it got called off. So, maybe he called another girl, or maybe a girl called him. There is nothing wrong with this, as there is certainly no commitment between the two of you at this point. Besides, it was you who got him in the mood for some female companionship. He had to settle for a substitute, and he was too much of a gentleman to break the date right after he accepted it or made it with her.

3. When the date got postponed, he crashed.

He got into his jammies, had a couple beers, put on some burgers and a movie, and crashed on the couch. He was tired, semi-drunk and in home-for-the-night mode, so it wouldn’t be the right time to make a good impression on a girl like you.

4. He saw a huge zit on the tip of his nose.

Or he cut himself shaving when he had the pre-date jitters for the original date, or he suffers from occasional migraines that he didn’t want to bring up yet. Again, he wanted to put his best foot forward when he met you, so he had to beg off.

All of these tiny white lies are well-intended and a permissible part of early dating protocol. Or, very likely, he was telling the truth.

Don’t hold this against him, and don’t decide to be the one who is busy the next time. He didn’t blow you off. He was probably just making dinner. Just trust him on this one, and wait to see how he deals with scheduled dates after you’ve gotten your lips on him once or twice.

Once people start to play this kind of “Oh yeah? Well two can play at this!” game of tag, they undermine a potentially good relationship.