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|Arden Leigh • 12/04/17|
Skilled seducers know lust, desire and pleasure begin between two lovers long before the bedroom, whether they’re curating those feelings of excitement in a long-term intimate partnership or exploring the potential for romance with someone they’ve just met.
Sensuality is most powerfully cultivated in a slow build, a tease that suggests the idea of sex long before the promise is delivered.
What better place to plant the suggestion of pleasure than the intimate setting of a dinner date?
To the intrepid reader who asked DatingAdvice.com for advice on how to turn him on over dinner, we hear you and have answered your call. The following tactics are sure to turn your dinner date into a prelude to pleasure.
Feeling sexy can only happen in an environment where you can relax and feel safe because it is comfort that allows you to open yourself up to the possibilities of pleasure.
The most important thing you can do is lead the way by being comfortable in yourself. Those feelings will help your partner to relax as well so there is room for pleasure to insinuate itself in his mind.
Go to a bar or restaurant that makes you feel warm and cozy, not just one you think will be impressive.
Wear clothing that makes you feel your best. Don’t wear the skintight bandage dress if you’re going to be conscious of it and tugging at it all night. You’ll feel sexier in whatever makes your body feel good.
Similarly don’t be afraid to show some skin in a subtle manner. Bare your neck, collarbone, shoulders and/or arms is a way that conveys you’re approachable and unguarded.
Sharing a meal is a delightfully intimate act. Enjoy all your appetites shamelessly! Don’t be the girl who deprives herself of food because she’s self-conscious of being seen eating.
The way you enjoy your meal is suggestive of the way you plan to enjoy other sensory pleasures, so don’t order the salad unless you’re ordering it because you truly dig an awesome salad.
If you’re enjoying your meal, let your date watch you savor it and offer him a bite from the end of your fork. Your enjoyment of culinary pleasure is an excellent way to hint at the way you might enjoy the pleasures of the bedroom.
Throughout your conversation, find opportunities to touch your partner in ways that are subtle yet suggestive.
Hands are a great place to start, as they have so many sensitive nerve endings. Touch the back of your date’s hand for emphasis during a story. Start with brief, light touches, and then slowly escalate to longer, teasing strokes with your fingertips when you get a positive reaction from him.
Hands, palms, arms and shoulders are all great places to touch. You can even give a gentle kick under the table, paired with a wink for added naughtiness.
If you and your partner are already intimate, you can get away with more touch from the start, such as stroking his thighs or even his hair and face. Even then, it’s a sexy tease to start slow and build up.
Talking about sexual experiences will get your date’s imagination going. With a new potential partner, bring up sex in fun, subtle and exploratory ways.
You can start by telling a cute but off-color joke and then bringing up some hilariously bad past experiences that are bound to make both of you laugh.
Ask your date to tell you about his worst kiss, and then tell stories of some good experiences you’ve had. Ask your date to share some of the wildest things he’s everdone. Top it off by mentioning a few things you haven’t done yet but are curious to try.
More importantly don’t mention any specific people or names in your stories. Thoughtful discretion is sexy and will be a comfort to your date that you won’t go around telling dirty tales about him if the two of you get involved.
Remember comfort is necessary to the experience of pleasure! Nor do you want your date to feel insecure comparing himself to your former lovers, so keep it subtle.
If you’ve been with your partner for a while, you can bring up things the two of you have already done together like nights of mind-blowing sex that created amazing memories for you.
Tell him what you loved most about the experience, what he did that blew your mind and ideas you have for the near future.
You can even hint at the things you plan to do to him later that night, or you can describe them in slow and excruciating detail, speaking softly and maintaining steady eye contact.
Just be understanding if it takes him a while before he’s able to stand up to leave the table.
Similarly ask thoughtful questions that allow your date to open up and talk about the things that turn him on or that he wants to try.
Being a good listener will make him feel safe and heard and will let him know he can speak his mind and try new things with you without worrying about how he might come across.
Deeply important to this is you listen to your partner without judgment. Remember you don’t have to personally enjoy all the things he shares with you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the fact he was courageous enough to share.
In the case of a long-term partner, remember to stay curious about one another. You might have heard most of his fantasies by this point (or you might think you have), but you can always stay present and ask what’s been on his mind the most lately.
Remember to listen just as thoughtfully even when you’re talking about less sexy subjects. Your partner’s feeling that he can open up to you about anything and feel heard by you will create the safe space that intimacy requires to flourish.
When you’ve created that feeling of comfort and safety, you’ll be able to turn him on over dinner or just about anywhere else.
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