Has He Met Someone Else?

Nick Slade Nick Slade • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I met a guy and we’ve been dating for more than a month. We seen each other five times, but we’re in touch all the time. Throughout the month, there was only one day we didn’t chat with each other. We spent a couple of nights together cuddling and talking about plans, the future and about how good it is to spend night together before he went on a business trip to India.

Before he flew away, we were texting all day long on Friday, and he was saying how I give good hugs and how he cant think about anything else but last night. He also said he hopes he will have Wi-Fi in India so we can chat and send each other pics of what we are doing. Then he went out for drinks with his friends. Its been four days since he left. I text him on Sunday and got a really brief and cold message back. I’ve gotten no replies after it even though he is online. Has he met someone else on Friday night, and does he not like me any longer? Is it over between us? He was just perfect for me, and I really liked him. I don’t know what to think.”

-Agata G. (Alabama)

Expert’s Answer:

Hi, Agata. It’s really hard to know for sure what is going on in a man’s mind, but we can run down the possibilities.

At the worst end of the list of possibilities, I have to point out that it wouldn’t be the first time a man used a long trip as a ploy to get a women in bed before he goes away.

  • Are you positive he went to India?
  • Did you see his plane ticket or itinerary?
  • Did he tell you where he would be staying, the airline, the time of his departure and arrival, and the date he will be returning?
  • Did he say he was a spy for the CIA?

Sorry, but we have to cover all of the possibilities. He could have been a scam artist.

He may also have been a sincere man who fell hard for you. Nevertheless, when a man is far away from a woman, it can feel to him as though he is in another world where she does not exist. The best thing about a woman to a man in a new relationship is often her physical presence. Without that, it is hard to maintain the desire and the connection since there is no way to act upon his impulses, especially if there is not a long history.

You have to realize that his nights and days are reversed from yours too, so he is asleep during many of your waking hours and vice versa. This makes it even more difficult for him to relate to this side of the world and to find the right time to get in touch. Countries like India also have unlimited opportunities for gratification with beautiful young women, and his friends or guides there may want to show him a good time. If he traveled that far on business, he may also have many pressing issues to deal with in a short period of time. Still, he should take the time for a warm text or email, if such electronic services are available to him there.

All you can do is trust your instincts and see what comes next. Send him those questions that you want answers to:

  • Is everything all right?
  • How is his trip going?
  • You miss him and are worried about him because he has only sent one brief message.
  • Does he miss you?
  • Is he coming back to you?
  • You are waiting for him with open arms.

If it’s a business trip, he should be back before too long. Don’t put all your hopes on one man that you’ve only known for a month and who has no commitment to you. As the time gets closer for him to return to your world, he may rekindle his feelings if they were waning, which is kind of problematic, too. Hope for the best but be prepared to move on. You can’t make him keep wanting you, and he is only perfect for you in your mind. If this guy flakes out, there’s another guy out there who really is perfect for you.

Good luck!

Nick