He is a Financial Train Wreck. What Should I Do?

April Braswell April Braswell • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I am 57 and dating a 64-year-old man. After four months, I am finding out slowly he is a financial train wreck.

My financial adviser informed me this man would have to work until age 74 and stop giving to his three children to save even a small amount for his retirement.

I wanted someone I could travel with and enjoy my retirement. What should I do?

-S. Devine (Indiana)

April Braswell’s Answer:

Money matters are one of the top reasons for couples to divorce, let alone split up while dating. It’s such a good thing that you found out the financial reality of the situation after just only a few months and not after the two of you married.
Now is the time to start pushing back a bit. Place more of the focus on what you want, namely someone with whom you could share travel adventures, and less emphasis on the precise method via which he achieves this.
He might always be generous with his kids. A generous nature can be good for how he treats you, and then he can aim to meet that financial goal without feeling his life partner is micro-managing his life.
Look at the total picture. Does he have less disposable income for retirement travel but own his home outright, having a financial asset but less liquid assets?
Express what you want in a relationship both now and in the near future. Then listen to his response and closely observe his behavior.
How does he treat you with what he already has? Does he share what he has with you? Consider the man. If he really does not mesh well with your lifestyle, then perhaps consider dating other men.
Sharing your lives is what relationships are all about. If your lifestyles are too different and don’t blend well together, that is a significant issue to ponder before continuing the relationship with him.

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