His Friends Keep Pulling Us Apart. Should I Be Worried?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

This guy and I have liked each other for about two and a half years now, but his friends keep pulling us apart. I’m scared he will soon lose his feelings for me. I’ve tried everything, but his friends have a strong control over him.

Should I be worried the guy I love might move on and like another girl that his friends approve of? What can I do to get him to express his feelings for me without his friends’ control on him?

-Lisa (Texas)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Lisa,

Here’s the bad news: We really can’t control anyone else. We can only control our own behavior and see how people respond to that.

I’m a little skeptical that the opinions of his friends mean more to him than the opinion of his own heart. He must be very young.

As for what you can do about your behavior, you can embody what men like, that is, good health and honesty. Men fall in love through trust, not sex. And women who try to use sexual attractiveness to get a guy might get sex but not necessarily love.

And part of being honest is learning how to confidently express your feelings. I suggest you explain to this guy you think he’s kinda cool but you have misgivings about the friends he runs with.

Tell him you think they are unfair and judgmental about you. And then see what he says. Your strategy here is to appear smart, aware and not afraid to express tour feelings.

You never know. This may be the conversation that gives you a private connection with him, away from his friends.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.