His Reason for Breaking Up is Confusing. What Did He Mean?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

Recently my boyfriend broke up with me. His reasoning kind of confuses me because we only dated for a month and a half. He said it has been bothering him that he didn’t feel like his love for me was growing.

I didn’t say it but my first thought was: “I don’t love you, but that is why I am dating you – because I can see myself loving you in the future.”

Do you have any idea what he meant by that?

-Elsa (Utah)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Elsa,

I know this feels like a slap in the face so early in a relationship. I mean, how could he know if he loved you or not? He barely took the time to get to know you.

My suspicion is he may have met someone else whom he is more initially sexually attracted to.

Also, the two of you have different definitions of love. He thinks it’s a feeling. You, rightfully so, think it’s about giving and growing a caring companionship.

In either case, six weeks does not make him a boyfriend . The fact you are calling him a boyfriend in only six weeks tells me things have moved too fast, and maybe this bothered him.

Lesson for next time: Practice slow love.


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