His Roommate’s Girlfriend Wants to Move in. Am I Jealous?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I have been dating a man for almost four months and he has a male roommate. He informed me last night that his roommate’s girlfriend of one month wants to move in with them. I let him know I am uncomfortable with that happening. Mostly I have a problem with her doing their laundry, cooking meals for them both and the conversations they would share.

Am I a jealous person? Is it normal to not want another woman to live with him?

-Angela (Missouri)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Angela, there is so much in your question, I don’t know where to start. To keep me straight, here are the key topics: 1. Girlfriend of a month, 2. Laundry and cooking, 3. Shared conversations and 4. Jealousy.

1. Girlfriend of one month.

You’ve been dating someone for four months and his buddy dude is such a fast mover that he’s considering cohabitating after only one month??? You better ask your boyfriend if he shares his roommate’s reckless values.

But, if it makes you feel any better, the live-in lovers have about an 88 percent statistical probability they will break up before a year is out. So this problem may solve itself.

2. Laundry and cooking.

Last time I checked the roommate handbook, household chores were shared equally. Do these guys think they are getting a live-in maid? And, even if she did choose to service her lover, why should she also serve your boyfriend?

Tell him clearly she has no business in his drawers, even if she finds them in the laundry hamper.

3. Shared conversations.

Now we get into the nitty-gritty of your question. You fear your guy will break your sacred emotional trust and spill details out to the new girl. Good fear to have. After a plate load of her spaghetti and a couple glasses of wine, your dude can easily fall down the slippery slope of emotional infidelity.

4. Jealousy.

Are you a jealous person? Yes you are. Anyone who breathes oxygen feels jealousy sometimes. The real question you are asking is if this jealousy is irrational or quite warranted. Only you can make that decision.

The biggest thing you are being presented with here is a unique opportunity to successfully negotiate the boundaries in your relationship.

Can you do it without anger? Can you provide clear arguments to back up your feelings? Are you open to hearing his side? And, if you do draw a line in the sand, are you ready to back it up with a consequence?

Only you know the answers to these questions.


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