How Do I Get a Guy to Commit?

Nick Slade Nick Slade • 9/25/14

Guys fall in love very differently than women, and commitment is a totally different proposition for them. You cannot nag or guilt a man into committing — at least, not if you want the commitment to be healthy and lasting. Just give him all the rope he needs and let him decide when it’s time to hang himself.

For men, love is initially something beautiful that happens between the sheets. He will not realize that he is already emotionally committed to you for a while yet. He will be happy in the corral of your love until you tell him to lock the gate.

As long as the gate is unlocked, he won’t really think about venturing out where the other girls roam, but as soon as he senses the walls closing in, he will get scared. Commitment, even to something wonderful, seems like a loss of independence and manhood. It’s a loss of control and a loss of all kinds of possibilities. He has to ease himself into it.

When you’re breaking a horse, you let him get used to the feel of the saddle and reins little by little. Let him experience the joy of being guided by your love. You do that by working your way into his life, his mind, his heart and his confidence.

Be his partner and his friend. Share some everyday chores with him, some adventures and some magical moments. But always let him have his own time with the guys, too.

He will keep coming back to what feels like home to him. When his world with you feels bigger and fuller than the world without you, that’s when he will realize that a loving commitment represents freedom and not constraint.

That’s when he will know that he has been committed to you for quite a long time already. He has to learn that commitment does not mean that he is giving anything up. Rather, it means adding a whole new dimension of love and excitement that only you can give him.