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|Kara Pound • 6/22/12|
My boyfriend and I don’t fight that often, but lately it’s because of some personal decisions that I’ve recently made. The first time we talked about it, I was already feeling down about the situation, and the way he talked to me just kept making me sadder. Despite telling him to stop, he still continued making me feel bad by giving me “advice” that only sounded like he’s criticizing me.
A week later, when I thought he wasn’t going to push things anymore, he brought up the subject all over again, making me feel down in the dumps all over again.
I asked a friend about it and he said that as long as I’m happy, then our relationship is worth fighting for. I am, honestly, happy to be with him. I just don’t like it when we talk. He sometimes seems to always criticize my every move. I’ve told him this countless of times, and he’s told me he’ll change. I haven’t seen the change.
Sometimes he also tells me of my faults, and I do try my best to change. I think it’s so hypocritical of him to ask me to change when he does so little to change himself.
I don’t really know what to do. I just want him to see things from my point of view without having to interject his thoughts and opinions and criticisms all the time. Help!
-Anne Q. (Alabama)
I’m not quite sure what your “faults” are, but we all have things we could work on. I should exercise more, eat less sugar and cut down on my white wine intake – nobody’s perfect. Without knowing what your boyfriend is criticizing you for, it’s hard for me to give you specific advice.
So know this: If he’s on your case because of something that’s affecting your health or his life (i.e. drug usage, an abortion), then he’s probably acting out because of frustration and his love for you. If he can’t let go of the small things (i.e. a forgotten anniversary, you ruined his favorite shirt), then he’s most likely acting out because there’s a bigger issue at hand.
Whatever the case is, your boyfriend needs to understand that he can’t force you to change. If it’s something you’re ready to change in your own life, then he can stand by and support you. Otherwise, sit down with him again and in a calm, less emotional way tell him your feelings. If he continues to not hear you and the relationship is making you feel bad about yourself, then maybe it’s time to think about moving on.