How Many Men Is Too Many Men?

Women's Dating

How Many Men Is Too Many Men?

Lissa Reed Lissa Reed • 9/25/14

In a world where dating and relationships take up most of our time, it is inevitable that sex will, too.

Just like we move on from another heartbreak to a new relationship, and maybe to yet another failure, it is inevitable that we share our bed with more than a couple of guys.

But right after yet another lover leaves our bed, and the scent of his body is still on our bed sheets, we can’t help but wonder, “Have I gone too far?”

How many men is too many men?

After a certain age, sex becomes an important, if not vital, element of dating. First date, second date, third date…there comes a time when you have to test each other out in bed as well.

But what happens when your fling didn’t work out and yet another lover has left your life? You only come to realize you’re left with another disappointment and another man to add to your bedroom list.

Does that number ever get too high? Are we emotionally challenged, or are we sluts?

Speaking from experience, the question “How many men have you been with?” shows up around the second or third date, no later.

How many of us have answered that question without hesitating or thinking, “What if he thinks my number is too high? What if he thinks I’m a slut?”

Personally, I never give away my number, not because it’s too high or too low, but because it’s personal. Whatever happened in the past stays there. There is no reason to open the ex files.

That’s the good thing about a new relationship – it’s a clean slate! There’s no reason for me to bring up my past lovers to my new potential one.

However, many women will answer that question and more often than not lie about it. In a society where it is considered acceptable, if not normal, for men to sleep with as many women as they can possibly get around to, why isn’t it the same with women?

They will be called hunks, studs, playboys or bad boys, but we will be called sluts, whores and so on. If it’s considered acceptable for men to sleep with a double-digit number of women, then it is equally acceptable for women to do so, too.

“Find someone who will accept

you and your choices as they are.”

Some women choose great lovers but not relationships.

They may choose to accommodate in their bed as many men as they wish, maybe even different ones night after night and enjoy it.

In my opinion, as long as each woman is comfortable with the number of men she has slept with, then the number is not too high. Because let’s face it, the only person who can judge us and we actually fear is ourselves.

If you feel like you have slept with too many guys and you shouldn’t have done that for one reason or the other, then you’re hitting your limit. It’s just like fashion. As long as you can wear your outfit with confidence, then you can pull it off.

Looking back on my dating experiences, I recall Nathan (how much pain can we take before we become emotionally unavailable?) saying to me one night somewhere between a glass of wine and a nice movie, “I’ve been with (number) women. How many men have you been with?”

I knew I wasn’t going to reveal my number, but as soon as I realized my number was higher than his, I immediately got embarrassed.

I guess living in a society where men are supposed to be the dominant gender, we feel we are supposed to have less experience and let the man be the alpha male he’s supposed to be.

Two years later, I realized there is nothing to be embarrassed out.

It doesn’t matter how many men you’ve slept with.

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks or what anyone tells you. As long as you are comfortable with it, then that’s all that matters.

If you happen to date a guy who judges you based on that, you better ask yourself, “Do I really want to be with someone who judges my choices and preferences?”

Ladies, the answer is no! You will find someone who will accept you and your choices as they are, without judgment or concern.

What do you think is too high of a number? What is your limit? Do you think we are emotionally challenged, or are we sluts?

Photo source: