Helen Keller once said, “Relationships are like Rome — difficult to start out, incredible during the prosperity of the ‘golden age’ and unbearable during the fall. Then, a new kingdom will come along and the whole process will repeat itself until you come across a kingdom like Egypt that thrives and continues to flourish. This kingdom will become your best friend, your soul mate and your love.”
We’ve all been there — your relationship is going great and everything seems to be perfect, then all of a sudden your boyfriend pulls the rug out from under you and ends it. What happened? What went wrong? It takes time to get over breakups, but whether it’s been two weeks, two months or two years, eventually you will have to stop dwelling on the fall of your relationship and start building a new one. But how do you do that when you have a fear of getting hurt again?
Give yourself time to heal.
- “You will learn something from this.”
- “He’s not worth it.”
These are the most annoying things our friends tell us during a breakup, but they are true. Take the time you need to make sure you are completely ready to get into another relationship. If you still have feelings for your ex or you continue to go over each scenario of the breakup in your head, then you aren’t ready. You need to get the other aspects of your life in order before you worry about your dating life.
- Are you making progress at work?
- Are you spending enough time with friends and family?
- Are you expanding your hobbies?
- Have you traveled somewhere you’ve always wanted to travel to?
Once you feel complete in other areas of your life, dating will be easier because you will attract people who are also improving themselves.
“Getting back into the dating
scene doesn’t have to be terrifying.”
Don’t take it too seriously.
When you start dating again, don’t immediately think about jumping into a serious relationship. Take your time and just enjoy the company of another person. Have fun getting to know someone, and don’t worry about whether it will turn into a relationship or whether he will hurt you like your ex did.
Be willing to let your guard down sometimes.
If you’re ex-boyfriend betrayed you, you might have become more guarded in order to keep anyone else from getting that close again, which is understandable. However, after a while, you need to be willing to let your guard down and be vulnerable with your feelings. Let those walls come down in small ways and ease into the bigger issues later. Maybe acknowledge your fear and tell your date you were hurt before and just need to take things slow. That still says a lot without saying too much. It’s OK to have fears and concerns, but it’s not OK to let those fears and concerns keep you from finding happiness.
Dating can be a daunting task for everyone, especially after you’ve been betrayed by someone you cared about and trusted. But getting back into the dating scene doesn’t have to be terrifying, if you are willing to accept that not everyone will betray you. There are genuinely nice people out there who will treat you right. You just have to go find them.