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|Jenny Sassoon • 9/25/14|
Are you wondering how to find the right people to date? You are not alone.
Many people want to date or be in a relationship, but they feel very frustrated because either they have no clue how to go about finding the right people to date or all of the ways they have tried are not helping them meet the right people to date.
When a client expresses to me these feelings of frustration and discouragement when it comes to finding the right people to date, I ask them what tactics they have already tried.
My clients’ answers have included going out to social events, being signed up to online dating sites and telling their friends to introduce them to people.
On paper, these all sound like the right things for them to be doing. These are the things everyone else is doing, after all.
These are also things everyone else may be telling them they have to do in order to be social so they can meet the right people.
Why is it not working for them? And if these are things you are doing, and it seems to be getting you nowhere in the meeting and dating the right people department, why aren’t these tactics working?
Let’s take a closer look because, yes, on paper going out to social events, being signed up for online dating sites and asking friends to set you up all seem like the right things to do, but they are also very general and may be non-specific to who you are and what you like to be doing in the first place.
If you want to meet the right people to date and start a relationship with, you are going to have to get more real, more personal and more specific.
Before you start getting more real and personal with others, you are going to have to start getting more real, personal and specific with yourself.
Figure out what you are looking for in a partner and what you enjoy and like to do.
Most people skip this part of the dating process and just jump right into the dating scene without taking the time to first do what I call “date ourselves.”
In order to have more success in finding the right people to date, I suggest the following steps:
By the real you, I mean the qualities and values that make you who you are.
These are the qualities you were likely born with and express on a daily basis, whether you are aware of it or not.
Some of these qualities may include being kind, considerate, passionate, hardworking, committed, open, easygoing, loyal and flexible.
Sit down for about half an hour and make a list of your qualities, those attributes that make you, you.
Next, make a list of your values. What values are important to you, especially when it comes to relationships?
These values may overlap with your qualities. For example, your values might include being respectful, loyal and honest and believing relationships take work and commitment.
Now that you are more aware and clear of who you are, make a list of the qualities and values of the person you would like to be in a relationship with.
“Being yourself is more likely to
bring the right opportunities.”
Once you are clear on both who you are and who you are looking to date, get the message out there. This step can be done in numerous ways.
Here are a few examples of ways my clients have been successful in meeting the right people:
Oftentimes, we think the people closest to us, like our friends or family, know exactly who we want to date.
Even though you think they know, and they might even think they know, the reality is the more clear and specific you are with what you want and what you are looking for, the more clear your friends and family will be, too.
The clearer picture they have of what you want, the easier it will be for them to think of someone who is right for you.
Start with you and ask yourself what things you enjoy doing.
Are you interested in volunteering? Do you enjoy hiking? Do you like listening to music and going to concerts?
Think (or even make a list) of the things you enjoy doing based on who you are and what your values are. Once you are clear on these things, go out and do them.
You are more likely to meet the right people when you are doing things you enjoy doing. In these situations, you are also more likely to be yourself and let your true self shine.
You will feel more comfortable with yourself and be more comfortable expressing your true self to others as well.
In these venues, you are also more likely to meet other people who share some of your interests and values. Being your real self is always more likely to bring the right opportunities your way.
Photo source: blog.cremationsolutions.com