In preschool, I met this pretty girl named Lindsay. We got along great. We used to run around together, kick the soccer ball, and play with matchbox cars. At one point, she decided I was her favorite boy and asked if I would like to get married. Of course, I said, “Yes!” and the rest of our preschool days were filled with laughs, fun, and excitement.
If only it were that easy to find a husband. So how do you flirt with a guy as an adult? While I wouldn’t recommend playing with matchbox cars on your dates, I can give you 14 top-notch ways to casually flirt with guys over text, online, and in person.
With these tips, you’ll get access to guys who never knew you were interested and step up your flirtatious game for men already on the hook. Let the fun begin!
How to Flirt With a Guy Over Text (#1-5)
Texting is a great way to keep men interested when you’re not with them. First, a ground rule: men use texting for logistics, while women use texting for conversations. If you want to speak his language on his terms, reserve in-depth conversations for phone calls or in person.
Of course, it never hurts to throw in a little pre-date flirting while you text. Most guys enjoy throwing out compliments and teasing girls a little bit. Knowing how to flirt back with a guy over text is simple. Just follow my five expert tips, and you should be good to go.
1. Be Cheeky & Tease Him
A guy likes a girl who surprises him and keeps him guessing. If he asks you, “What are you doing?” try saying something like, “I’m in the bath right now. Meeting up with my girlfriends later.”
That’ll get his wheels turning. Flirty texts show off your attractive side and give guys just a hint of what they can look forward to in the relationship. Keeping it light and fun is the best way to excite and invite a guy you like.
2. Mirror His Style & Pace
If he text messages you once per day, you should respond once per day. If he writes longer notes, then respond with a longer note as well. This is called mirroring. In the early stages of your flirtation, I would also suggest letting him set the pace.
You want to match his level of interest. Remember he has his own life to attend to, so it’s important to be responsive without coming off as clingy.
3. Show Him That You’re Attracted to Him
Not every guy is confident about his dating game. Knowing how to flirt with a shy guy involves letting him know you like what you see. To let him know he’s on your mind, send him a picture of sweater or a hat and say, “This would be sexy on you.”
This move works best for someone you’ve been seeing for a while and have some rapport with. It’s a good way to show interest and give some subtle fashion tips while you’re at. Help a guy out and be direct about what you want.
4. Compliment Him
Men love to be appreciated, and they also love women who are easy to please. If you want him head over heels for you, make him feel needed and appreciated. With the right compliment, he’ll think, “Wow, she really likes me. If I keep doing what I’m doing, I’ll bet I could keep her happy for our entire lives.”
Here’s a good example of a small gesture that means a lot: “Thank you so much for last night. You were such a gentleman, holding the door for me and giving me your jacket. I feel so special when I’m with you.”
5. Play a Game — Dating Should be Fun
Feel free to be playful and enjoy the man you’re with. Whether it’s ding/marry/kill or a battle or words (one of my girlfriends liked to pick a letter and then see how many words starting with that letter she could fit into a sentence), games are a good way to give you something to talk about.
Next time you want to fill a lull in your texting, give him a challenge like, “I’ll bet you can’t guess what I’m wearing right now.” Let the games begin!
How to Flirt With a Guy Online (#6-9)
The online game sometimes takes practice to master. You don’t have eye contact, body language, or physical cues to show interest, so flirting becomes more about what you say. Every comma matters. To start the conversation, you want to be brief, open with a question, and let the guy know what about him caught your eye.
If you want to be in the top 5% of successful online daters, you need to play to win. In this section, I’ll teach you how to get results fast and efficiently. I’ve got four examples of the right way to flirt online to get yourself a date.
6. Move Fast (But Within Your Comfort Zone)
In dating, men want speed, and women want to feel comfortable. These are broad generalizations, but they tend to hold true in most cases.
What this means for women looking to flirt online is you should skip to the first date as soon as you’re ready.
After the first message, most men are totally fine meeting in person to see if there’s any chemistry (and if you look as good as your picture).
In the world of online dating, it doesn’t matter which gender asks the other out, so go ahead and take the plunge. Put the poor guy out of his misery and give him a chance to impress you in person.
This strategy works wonders. My last female client to get engaged sent the first message to her man. He was blown away.
7. Use Match Percentages to Choose Dates For You
Algorithms are there to help you out, so why not let them save you some time. As you go after men online, target those with a high match percentage, and you’ll be surprised how many good first dates you go on. Instead of starting from scratch with a person, it’s best to find someone with whom you have common ground.
8. Don’t Worry Over Wording — Just Message Him
This is a ladies-only rule. It’s perfectly OK to copy and paste your message to every man you’re interested in online. Why does this work? On average, men get only one message per week. It’s pretty lonely in that inbox, so they tend to pay attention to even a generic message.
I can attest to that: Every message we receive, we analyze. We look at all the pictures and read the entire profile. If we are attracted to your picture and like your profile, you can get away with an impersonal initial message. Just the fact that you messaged puts you at the front of the line.
9. Send 50 Messages in 20 Minutes
Online flirting is a numbers game. The more lines you cast, the better chance you have of hooking someone good. To speed up the process, send 50 copy-and-pasted messages to profiles you like. You’ll get back about a dozen date requests, and you can then pick out the best of the best to go out with. Rinse and repeat until you find a man worth focusing your undivided attention on.
How to Flirt With a Guy In Person (#10-14)
Flirting via text is quick and fun. But if you really want to get the heart pumping and the endorphins flowing, nothing beats flirting live and in person. Most of what we communicate is nonverbal, so you have more license to express how turned on you feel. Below, I’ll give four examples of some seductive moves to physically flirt with a guy.
10. Wave Him Over to You
A lot of times, guys see an attractive woman they want to talk to, but they never make a move. Why? Because they’re scared of rejection. The idea of being turned down by a stranger is terrifying.
You can take away that fear with a simple wave. It breaks the ice quickly. If you make eye contact and gesture him over, he’s got his in. He can now approach backed by the 100% certainty that you actually want to talk to him.
11. Be Direct & Bold
If you think he is good looking, go tell him. Seriously, walk right up and say, “You’re hot.” A strong woman who’s not afraid to make the first move and be direct is a huge turn on. Sometimes the best move is to cut the coy games and go after what you want.
Worst-case scenario, he is flattered and not interested. Best case, you are headed to get coffee immediately, or exchange numbers to set up a date. Your boldness could save you both a lot of time wondering (leaving more time for kissing).
12. Ask For His Expertise
Flattery can be as simple as asking someone what they think. Let’s say you’re at Starbucks and spot a cool stud muffin you’d love to get your hands on. You can pick up a guy while you pick up your coffee with a simple trick.
Just turn around and ask for his advice. “Hey, how are the cookies here? Which one should I get?”
It doesn’t matter if he’s never had the cookies, he’ll give you his opinion, and it’s an easy way to start conversation. However, if he doesn’t pick up on the fact that you’re hitting on him, you might have to press the issue and tell him you’ve got a weakness for sweet things or you’ve been craving some sugar (wink).
Remember you can always get even more explicit (see tip #2) to seal the deal.
13. Ask Him to Take a Photo
This is one of the easiest openers of all time: “Would you mind taking a picture of me?” Before the selfie stick, it was common to ask total strangers to snap a quick photo. Go ask that cute guy to take your picture. It gives him the opportunity to really look at you, and gives you the chance to strike up a conversation.
14. “Be Interested, Not Interesting” — Dale Carnegie
The easiest way to flirt and make someone feel special is to ask them questions. Ask your date about themselves and respond to what they have to say. People love to talk about themselves, so if you give them an outlet to be heard, you’re making that guy feel on top of the world.
This works like a charm. When you look into someone’s eyes and listen to them, you make them feel like the most important person in the room.
Don’t Be Shy: Be Flirty With a Guy to Get a Hot Date
Fast forward 30 or so years, and I still think 3-year-old Lindsay had the right strategy to get a guy’s attention. Ladies, if you like a guy, say so. Be aggressive and go after what you want — and you’ll probably get it.
We’ve outlined 14 great techniques (with examples) for flirting over text, online, and in person, so you’ve got the best strategy in the business behind you as you go after your man. These tricks to getting a date work even better than matchbox cars. So get out there and flirt like an expert.