How to Get an Ex Back

Women's Dating

How to Get an Ex Back

Lauren Hostert Lauren Hostert • 9/25/14

Was he all you ever wanted? All you ever needed, yeah? Well, turn up the ‘N SYNC and we’ll tell you what to do when you want him back.

1. Be honest with yourself.

It’s easy to look at the past through rose-colored glasses, but if you want to get back with your ex, you need to be candid with yourself about what went wrong. Relationships end for any number of reasons, be it distance or incompatible schedules, and sometimes those reasons can be addressed.

That said, sometimes things are just wrong. Be careful about pursuing something that could set you up to get hurt again. Hindsight might give you the clarity to look past him screaming at you for stepping on his limited edition Sonic screwdriver or that thing he said about your mom, but don’t let it cloud your judgment. Sometimes it’s best to leave the past in the past.

2. Make sure your happiness doesn’t depend on it.

When relationships end, especially long ones, sometimes it’s hard to remember what you were like before the other person. It takes a while to remember how to cook for one. You have to make a new schedule without someone else to let the dog out. You forget how to be alone. During this adjustment period, it’s easy and understandable to want to go back to your ex.

Give yourself time to find a new normal. From that vantage point, it’s a little easier to decide if you’re missing someone in particular or if you’re just lonely. Try to be happy with yourself before you include someone else in the mix. From there, if it’s clear that your ex added value and meaning to your life, you’re at a much better place for reconciliation. After all, the person you love always wants you to be the best version of you that you can be.

3. Keep the lines of communication open.

Make sure your ex knows you want him to be a part of your life. While some people do the long-goodbye breakup, your ex might have dropped off your radar completely after your breakup to lick his wounds in solace. Opening up communication channels is the first and most important step on your way to reconciliation. From there, it’s easier to figure out what kind of head space he’s in.

Remember, relationships are a double-act and you both agreed to end yours. If it seems like you and he feel similar about things ending, be honest. Be brutally honest and get ready for some uncomfortable conversations. Try to avoid the “just start over” approach. You need to figure out what went wrong to make things go right next time.

Breakups can be the ultimate wake-up call. Use it to your advantage to create a healthier and more functioning relationship with the person you love.