The second time’s the charm when it comes to dating. First dates often begin with so much tension and worry that it’s hard to let your mind go and just have a good time. Then once the ice is finally broken, you’re both still so wound up that everything seems hilarious and you spend the rest of the night with huge smiles plastered on your mugs.
The first touch or kiss from a new guy carries an amazing tingle, just like the quiver you felt the first time a guy slid into second base or let his fingers wander within a few inches of third. It’s just really difficult to know what has depth and reality and what is just a physiological response, amplified by nervous tension.
So how can a girl plan a second date that has the same magic as the first? The “drug” of extra adrenaline running through his veins and yours is greatly diminished, so you’ll have to depend on your true inner charm, personality and superior dating intellect. Here are a few tips that can help to seal the deal, or at least help you know if this is guy has real potential.
Pick a peg from the first date.
Every successful first date is filled with new stories and information that give you a keyhole to peek inside the lifestyle and mindset of the guy you’re with. Think of each little bit of information as a “peg” that you can hang a future date or experience on.
Maybe he’s a basketball fan, loves Italian food, plays darts at the local pub, and goes water skiing every chance he gets. So if things are going well on date number one, plant a seed for the second date then and there. Try one of these:
- “My dad has season tickets for the Celtics, but I’ve never seen a game. Maybe we can borrow his seats next week and you can explain the game to me.”
- “I know a little authentic Italian place that makes the world’s best lasagna. We should totally have a lasagna and dart night soon!”
- “I’ve always wanted to learn how to water ski. Do you think you could teach me?”
When you hang each date from a peg in his life (or yours), you are really paving a course that could socially and psychologically integrate your lives and turn you into a real dynamic duo. A generic dinner and a movie does not advance the cause of your relationship and might just become an excuse to get together and make out. That’s not how you build a foundation for a successful, loving future.
“Give that important second date context and meaning in terms
of his life and likes, add something of significance to yourself that
will let him see things in you beyond the physical dimension”
Bring him into your world, too.
It’s not all about him. If you want to see if he is long-term material, you have to inject some of yourself into each date, too. Maybe you let him pick the restaurant to begin the second date, and maybe you base the date on his love of basketball. So after the game, you should suggest a nice spot for a nightcap or cup of coffee where people might know you.
Or maybe you can take the long route home and drive by your old school, your place of employment, your uncle’s pizza shop, or the closed-down theater where you saw “Swan Lake” when you were a little girl and your dream of attending the Juilliard began.
Anything you can do to get him on your turf or into your world of dreams and schemes will make you a more three-dimensional woman. Men fall in love when a woman becomes incorporated into their lives and when they cross over into her world, too. Unless you want to become another pair of lips, boobs and booty, you have to begin to reveal to him the Sue or Sandy or Rachel inside of you. That is the real prize you have to offer, which he cannot get from any other woman.
Put just enough skin in the game.
Women are not always aware of the enormous power of their secret weapons. A fleeting touch of your silky, smooth fingers on his cheek, the smell and feel of your hair, or an unexpected peck on the cheek as you get up from your table at the restaurant will make a strong man swoon and burn with anticipation for the next simple touch you might choose to bestow upon him.
There is no need to invite him over for a second date and come to the door covered in whipped cream. That physical part of the attraction is a done deal. He is already sold on the amazing pleasures to be found in every inch of your body. The second date can often determine whether this goes the way of a relationship or a fling.
Remember the tingle theory: Any part of him that has never been touched by you personally, and any part of you he has not yet touched, is magical and will give him a rewarding response. Part of the wonder of the first date was the newness of the touch and the excitement and feel of a new kiss. A kiss is one thing created by two people, so your kiss with him will always be unique to your relationship.
Keep some part of you and some part of him new for the third, fourth and fifth dates. This is not the time to give it all away. You wouldn’t raise your own bid at an auction, so why hand him the jackpot when he will be thrilled with two oranges?
A girl should go into her first several dates with a new guy knowing exactly what he will be getting from her physically. You might wear a loose sweater with a single-clasp bra but a belt buckle that Houdini would have trouble with, for instance. This will help you stick to your plan, too.
You are 100 percent in charge of all physical aspects of every relationship. Use your power well, and you will be able to prolong the tingles, quivers, shivers and magic of that first date through several more encounters before you decide if he is worthy of the ultimate reward.
It’s just that simple: Give that important second date context and meaning in terms of his life and likes, add something of significance to yourself that will let him see things in you beyond the physical dimension, and keep him tingling with anticipation before you allow him to tremble with delight.