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|Mike Goldstein • 12/13/17|
In my years as a dating coach, I’ve seen that usually 16% of first dates end up leading to a second date. However, on average, men know if they’re going to fall in love by the end of date number two. For women, I’ve seen that, on average, it takes them 14 dates to determine if they’re going to fall in love.
Now that we know the stats, let’s talk strategy on how to keep him interested after the first date — so you and your new guy can happily make it way past 14 dates.
Keeping a guy interested can be difficult if you don’t know what you’re doing. You want to let the man chase you, but, at the same time, you want him to know you’re interested. So let’s hop right into some tips.
For example, say the following, assuming it’s true for you: “I had so much fun with you on this date. I really hope I get to see you again.” After saying it, proceed to leave the date, don’t call, text, or email, and see if he chases you down for a second date. This strategy tells a guy that you’re interested but still gives him the freedom to ask you out and pursue you — which gives him the satisfaction of his primal instinct of hunting.
I love giving this advice. It’s so easy, and it works so well. Women sometimes overthink what they need to do after a date. As long as you ended a good date by saying “I had fun and would like to see you again,” then you did your job. After that, give the guy a chance to hunt.
It’ll be refreshing if he doesn’t hear from you in the first few days. It’ll make him wonder what you’re up to, and, if he likes you, it should prompt him to reach out or ask you out for another date. (If you went on a good date and forgot to say the line above, don’t worry about it. Still do nothing and see what happens.)
I think Facebook and texting are the biggest causes of stupid fights within relationships. However, I also use Facebook every day, and I text every day — as do most people. Thus, the following is my advice for keeping him interested via text.
On tip number two, I instructed you to do nothing. Once you’ve done nothing and he reaches out to you, then you should mirror his actions. If his message is about two lines long, your response should be about the same. If he sends one message, you send one back. Texts should not be one-sided. For example, if he sends one message, don’t send him four back. Also, if he writes short messages, don’t send him a novel back.
This is very important. In every relationship, couples must figure out how often they want to see each other every week, how often they’ll talk on the phone, and how often they’re going to text every day.
Some men want to text every day, including a “good morning,” a “good night,” and full-blown conversations. Other men want to use texting purely for logistics. They’ll text what time to meet and where, and any other texts would be deemed annoying.
You may fit into one of the languages above or somewhere in between, or you may have some totally different language. At some point in your relationship, you need to sit down and discuss what makes you happy via text, and then listen to what makes him happy via text.
Once both parties understand what the other wants, you should figure out what language is going to be win/win for both of you — so the new language the two of you create is even better and more powerful than the language you were communicating as a single person.
We know men are visual and want sex, but you’re going to keep his attention much more by withholding sex and having sexy boundaries than by having mind-blowing sex. Thus, do the following if/when you’re not ready to have sex.
This is so powerful. First, I would suggest waiting at least six dates or preferably waiting until monogamy for sex. But it’s not a bad thing when a guy attempts to have sex with you on dates one through infinity. When a man attempts to have sex with you, he’s communicating that he’s attracted to you.
No matter when he does it, it should be taken in its most positive form, a huge compliment. However, when he attempts to have sex with you and you’re not ready, it’s a very delicate situation because you have his ego to take into account and, more importantly, your boundary to maintain.
Here’s what you might want to say when you like the guy but are not ready for sex: “Jon, you’re so sexy, and part of me definitely wants to do this. However, I don’t have sex until I’m in a committed relationship. But, if we ever do make it to being exclusive, I know the sex is going to be amazing!”
Why are you saying it like this? First, you need to let him know that you’re not rejecting him. Second, you’re saying if he keeps getting to know you and both parties are ready to be exclusive, then it’ll happen eventually. What’s great about this is you’re communicating your boundary in a sexy way that also rewards Jon to keep going and not feel discouraged but excited to eventually take the relationship to a higher level.
When women have sex, they start to feel more attached. We know this from experience, but it’s also been backed up by science.
If a woman gets a man turned on but not to orgasm, he’ll feel more attached to that woman. It’s true. If you get a man excited but not to climax, he’ll feel more attached to you.
The same part of the brain that is triggered after sex for a woman is triggered during sexual arousal for a man. Thus, the “tease” is going to be way more successful. However, be careful with this. Men don’t want to feel like you’re doing this on purpose, but having some fun with first and second base, when you feel comfortable to do so, will 100% keep a guy interested.
Alright, we know what to do when not having sex, let’s chat about what to do once you two are having sex.
I think most couples have been there. The guy wants to do XYZ in the bedroom, and the woman doesn’t really want to do it but might give it a shot just to make him happy. If you get in this situation with your man, tell him if he does R, then you’ll give him XYZ sexual experience.” This makes sex fun and playful. The X in “if he does X” could be “once we move in together, “once we get married,” or any other situation that would make you happy.
Obviously, this situation is meant to be playful over some fun sexual experience. You should never withhold sex, punishing both you and him in hopes of changing behavior. This strategy will lead to resentment and typically get you the opposite result.
You already hit a sexual home run — now it’s time to hit an emotional home run. First, men and women score points differently. Men can score points one at a time: fancy dinner, flowers, or gifts. However a woman can score big points with big things: a fancy dinner on stressful week, getting along with his difficult mother, and so on.
Thus, go figure out what means a lot to him by asking him. Then do it. Score 20 points with one swing.
I think long-distance relationships should be avoided like the plague. If you live near any major city or even a fairly large town, you can find someone to date with whom you’ll have a great time. You don’t need to date someone far away. However, if you’re in a long distance relationship, do the following.
When you’re in a long-distance relationship, it’s vital that you always have something to look forward to. Meaning before your last day together, plan the dates of the next meeting, or sit down one Sunday and plan out the next few months for how and when you’re going to see each other.
As long as both parties have something to look forward to, it should make the lonely nights a little more bearable.
Most people need sex within a relationship, so if you can’t do it in person, try to find other creative ways to pleasure each other. If both parties aren’t being pleased sexually, they might start filling their needs outside of the relationship.
So there you have it folks, that was how to keep a man interested. Now the real question: Is your guy keeping you interested?!