How to Know You’re Ready to Date After a Divorce

Women's Dating

How to Know You’re Ready to Date After a Divorce

Judith Tutin Judith Tutin • 9/25/14

One of the things virtually every client going through a divorce tells me is they can’t imagine dating.

They’re not ready to even think about dating. It’s not on their radar. It’s the last thing on their minds.

This thinking often continues post-divorce.

I know you’re hurt and unsure and the marriage has been a bad experience in one way or another. Maybe it’s been a terrible experience.

The thing is, you once made the decision to marry, which tells me you’re most likely a couples kind of person. You like being in a relationship. You like being close.

I’m in no way suggesting you must date, get in another intimate relationship or get married. I’m simply suggesting you entertain the possibility of dating.

How will you know when you’re ready?

If you still cry at the mere mention of your divorce, you’re not ready. Otherwise, you probably are.

It’s just like many decisions you make in life. You ponder, consider and obsess.

Then you wind up at a college you hadn’t planned on attending, majoring in English instead of music. You figure you’ll get a job in a big city, and the next thing you know you’re keeping chickens on a rural farm.

We don’t say the best laid plans often go awry for nothing. Things just happen.

Consider getting out of your own way and letting something happen.

“Having new experiences and meeting

new people helps you move forward.”

It’s important to get your mindset in a helpful place.

A growth mindset is really useful when it comes to getting back into dating.

With a growth mindset, you make the effort to move forward by trying new things. You go to karaoke night because you might meet people. You learn from your mistakes.

OK, maybe karaoke turns out to be one of those mistakes. Perhaps trivia night is more your thing.

You adopt a positive attitude and tell yourself something like, “I’m going to give this a try because I’m a beautiful, exciting person and anyone would be lucky to have an opportunity to spend time with me.”

You get feedback when you can. Feedback may involve asking your friends about the kind of image you project at parties or what they think of your new look.

On your return to dating:

Recognize that the awkward, younger person you were when you last dated is not the person you are today. As a result, your dating experience will quite likely be different.

With greater maturity, you have the ability to think about what’s really going on between you and another person.

You’re more aware of what you really want. You can make better decisions.

And about those clients who couldn’t even think of dating: Almost every single one is dating within months.

One of the best things about dating is having new experiences and meeting new people helps you move forward.

Ladies, are you ready to date? What signs do you look for that let you know you’re ready? What advice can you offer to others?

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