How to “Never Ever Get Back Together”

Women's Dating

How to “Never Ever Get Back Together”

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Taylor Swift may have a hit song on her hands with “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” but her heart is in a pickle.

She sings about the frustration of an on-again, off-again relationship pattern that is so hard to fully break up from. This pattern is quite common for one simple reason.

Women love to fall in love with hope. Hope he will come back. Hope he will be different. Hope that after a few early bumps, we can live happily ever after.

Sadly, the reality is not exactly what women hope for — a roller coaster ride of grand re-entries followed by bitter disappointment. Again.

The best prediction of someone’s future behavior is their past behavior. And the only way to never, ever get back together is to follow these four simple steps:

1. Digitally unhook.

Do not maintain a text, email or phone relationship after you break up. If he texts you, keep your pretty manicured hands off your smart phone and direct your attention elsewhere.

2. Defriend online and off.

Breaking up with a guy you had high hopes for is a little like kicking heroine. You must eliminate the drug and all the people who connected you to it.

That means defriending him on Facebook, unfollowing him on Twitter and declining invitations to real-world events where he might show up.

 

“Host some happy time with people

you have secure relationships with.”

3. Attend to your sadness.

Realize if you are feeling particularly sad and are pining away for him, this is not an indication the relationship was good.

This is only an indication you attached hard. And now you must take the time to grieve and examine your piece in this anxious attachment.

4. Remind yourself of how lovable you are.

This is not the time for a rebound man, or a shopping spree, or a post-breakup diet or binge. This is the time for you to surround yourself with people who remind you how lovable you are.

They could be girlfriends, siblings, your mother and aunts. It might even be your children.

Host some happy time with people you have secure relationships with, to teach your brain this is real love.