I Developed Feelings for My Friend. Should I Pursue It?

November 16, 2012
I Developed Feelings for My Friend. Should I Pursue It?

Reader Question:

I started developing feelings toward one of my close friends. I’m the president of my club in college and he’s my vice president. However, I can’t help feeling the way I do toward him. I can’t sleep, I can’t focus, and every time I see him I get mixed feelings. I know I can’t like him because of the power differential between us. He is a bit younger and I know it may be awkward if I say anything. But there are times where I feel he likes me back by the way he acts toward me (i.e. texting me late at night, acting differently around me and among his friends).

May he have feelings for me, or should I even pursue my feelings toward my friend?

-Charlotte (Seattle)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

If a college man is texting you late at night, you can almost assume he’s interested in you. The question remains, what is he interested in? Just sex or a relationship?

You are right to consider the power differential and if you two are to continue to work together, you better be sure he’s relationship material before you move forward. A breakup would put really bad energy into your club.

I’ll also ask you to look into your club rules. Do the rules bar executive members from dating. Be sure not to violate an ethics clause.

But if, in fact, dating is permitted and you take the time to ensure you’re attracted to him, I would say it’s OK to date. But let him lead. If you lead, it could be construed as an abuse of power.

This is a classic wait-and-see moment. I promise, the answers will reveal themselves if you just wait and see.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013). Connect with her on Google+.

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3 Responses

    I went threw this exact thing. Fell for a friend, told him i like him, didn’t work out, he met someone else, now we aren’t friends anymore. it’s a big risk to take :(

    There might be a chance for you to get the guy you like but I’d be careful too. Younger guys are good at flirting but not being anything more than a pretty face.

      C. Price
      Cynthia Price (DatingAdvice.com)

      I’d even open this comment up to a more general setting, like college and a workplace, or even your social circle! School clubs are just mini versions of this dilemma.

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