I Don’t Want to Break Up with Him. What Should I Do?

July 27, 2012
I Don’t Want to Break Up with Him. What Should I Do?

Reader Question:

I’m 19 years old and I’ve been dating this guy for a year and a half. At first, we were totally in love with each other. With time, he started criticizing everything I do, he didn’t want me to talk to my guy friends, and he pushed my away from my girlfriends, too.

We don’t meet as often, we don’t have sex, and we kind of don’t care about each other as we did before. I didn’t want to break up with him because I’ve never had a boyfriend before, and I don’t think I have the courage to do it because I’ve tried a lot.

I’m not afraid of not being with him, but I’m afraid of being alone. I don’t feel happy as I did before. What should I do?

-Tina F. (Alabama)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Whether you realize it or not, you have already broken up. You’ve been weaning each other by seeing each other less. The sexual relationship has ended and, you said it, you don’t care so much about each other anymore. It sounds like this guy’s controlling behavior wasn’t so healthy anyway.

But the real question to ask yourself is why you would hold on to the threads of a bad relationship when a healthy, happy love is in your future?

And there is one part of your email that concerns me. You tell me that you don’t think you have the courage to break up with him and that you’ve tried to before. If his controlling behavior makes you afraid, you must go to your family and friends and ask for their support.

Be safe. Be strong. And know that you are completely lovable.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013). Connect with her on Google+.

Related Topics:
Breakups Fighting Jealousy

3 Responses

    I think Wendy is absolutely right on her comment …I had the same experience …At first I didn’t know what to do …I was to afraid and I didn’t want to hurt him but than with the help of few friends I broke up with him …I feel so free now …Stay strong :)

    Wendy is so right …You have to be strong and leave him …I was in the same situation because I didn’t love myself enough to accept to spend time with myself …You need to learn to love yourself and than you will find the good match for you …

      Dr. Wendy Walsh
      Dr. Wendy Walsh (DatingAdvice.com)

      Too many women get into traumatic bonds that involve controlling behavior instead of loving behavior. It’s important that girlfriends encircle their friends who are in damaging relationships and help them move on.

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