I Feel the Spark is Gone. Is He Too Comfortable Already?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months. He stays at my house all the time when he isn’t working, even though I’ve told him we shouldn’t spend so much time together. I feel like the spark is already gone and I don’t know how to get it back.

Is he too comfortable already?

-Lisa C. (Georgia)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

In a word, yes. Three months is such a short time for you two to have moved from first date, first kiss, first sex, and now practically LIVING TOGETHER. If you don’t slow things down, you could move to the last step fast – a breakup.

Throughout history women have controlled the pace of relationships. And the slower the sex, the longer the love. It seems you missed this memo, girlfriend.

My suggestion: Start to be a bit unavailable. Cut off the sleepovers unless they are a reward for a hot date. Train him to be a good boyfriend.

And consider this: Are you being too accommodating because you fear that strong boundaries will send him running for the hills? If so, maybe it’s time to check your own self-confidence meter. You have to love yourself first before you can truly love anyone else.

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