I Haven’t Heard Back from Him. Is He Blowing Me Off?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I started community college about five months ago, which is when I met this guy. We really hit it off (at least I thought so). I fell pretty hard. By the time finals had rolled around, I had gathered up the courage to ask him out. He responded positively and told me to text him so we could set something up. Now he did warn me that he would be busy, but I assumed it meant he had work. I waited a day or two before texting him to see if we could meet for lunch. I have yet to hear back (three days later).

Is he blowing me off? Or is he genuinely THAT busy?

-Audra (Arizona)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Audra: Oh, darling Audra. When I read emails like yours, I wish I could bottle up my grown-woman wisdom and hand it out to every young woman I meet.

This reminds me of a story from my early 20s.

It was New Year’s Eve. I was with a girlfriend and her family. The house party was filled with her Caribbean aunties, nieces and nephews, and even good old Grandma plunked by the Christmas tree with a rum and eggnog in her hand.

I didn’t appreciate the warmth of these relationships because I was pining away, awaiting the arrival of a guy I had fallen for.

He was in a Florida airport trying to get to me in Canada. He called every hour or so with apologies and detailed stories of crowed airports and missed planes.

Each time I told him I understood, we exchanged words of love, and I continued to wait.

Finally, as it neared midnight, a wise croak erupted from the Christmas tree. My friend’s grandmother had been watching and listening.

Her voice rang like an island witch doctor who had just looked into a crystal ball, “Child, dat mon didn’t leave his house. Call. You’ll see.”

What could this old woman really know about modern day dating, I thought? But I humored her by getting my friend’s brother to call and ask for him.

And yes, a woman answered. Apparently he had a wife. And she told my friend, “Just a minute, he’s out by the pool on his cell phone.” Crowded airport, my ass.

I’m telling you this story so you will pay close attention to my words to save you heartache.

1. Young women should wait, flirt and invite a man to ask them out. They shouldn’t be the pursuer at the beginning.

2. When he told you to text him, he was saying, “I’m being polite to you but getting out of this social situation with a smile because I am a coward.”

3. When he said “I’m really busy” that meant “I’m interested in other women, not you.”

4. Young women shouldn’t text a man for a date. Ever.

5. He’s blowing you off. No man is too busy for a potential sexual opportunity.

I know. I hated those lessons, too. They were a real bitch to learn. But nothing compared to my pain and embarrassment on that New Year’s Eve.

This is a rookie error, girlfriend. Next year, you’ll be a sophomore and can share it with the freshmen ladies.


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