I Kissed an Old Flame. Do I Tell My Current Guy?

August 24, 2012
I Kissed an Old Flame. Do I Tell My Current Guy?

Reader Question:

I met this guy about two and a half months ago. About a month ago, I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said no. I said I was not either.

However, since then we haven’t really had a “defining the relationship” conversation. Our relationship has become sexual, but I feel short-changed in an emotional sense.

I ran into an old flame at a bar, and he ended up walking me home and we kissed. I don’t intend to date this old flame.

Do I need to tell the current “guy” about my incident? Is this cheating? Is this guy wasting my time, or should I ask him to “DTR”?

-Dee D. (New York)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Oh my, Dee. So many questions. OK, let me break this down for you. Like so many young women in America today who think that female sexuality is the same as a man’s, you engaged in sex before a commitment and now are paying the emotional price.

But it’s not too late to get some definition. It takes bravery. But staying in a low-criteria relationship will hurt you in the long run. And, no, you don’t need to tell the current guy about the kissy-face with the old flame.

But after you have that “defining the relationship” conversation, you better act like a good girlfriend and stay away from all the hot flames, old and new.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013). Connect with her on Google+.

Related Topics:
Exes Kissing

2 Responses

    Wendy is so right …Maybe he still sees his old flame ? you don’t know for sure since nothing is really official …I think you should have a good conversation with him and you will know for sure if he is your boyfriend .

    yeah, no reason to tell your current guy about that kiss

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