I’m Starting to Think of Him as More Than a Rebound. Do I Tell Him How I Feel?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I’ve been dating this guy who started off as a rebound, but now that we’ve known each other for six months, I am officially over my ex and am starting to think about him as more than a rebound.

I was fine with the super casual relationship before (side note: trusted him enough to not use protection), but now that I’ve actually started to like him, I’m not OK with the situation anymore.

No matter what, I would at least like to be friends, but ideally we would be exclusive hookups.

Do I tell him how I feel and risk rejection? Cut it off completely? Or just keep doing what we’re doing and make him put a condom on?

-Callie (New York)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Callie,

Let’s look at all the things you just told me….

1. You are having unprotected sex.

2. You haven’t agreed to be exclusive sexually.

3. You are afraid to ask for relationship definition because you fear rejection.

Darling, I am about to be go wise, old aunty on you and give you a piece of my mind.

Little girl, you are playing Russian roulette with your bloodstream and your eggs! This man could unknowingly murder you and/or your future offspring, and you are worrying about a broken heart?

You are loveable and deserve to have a real relationship with someone who loves you for more than your body. But it seems you don’t know that.

So let me remind you: You are perfect. A total angel. Really. I mean, you are a giver. Look what you are giving for nothing in return!

Don’t let any man make you feel afraid that he will leave. If a bad man leaves you, you should count your blessings.

The game of finding a good man is one where you want all the bad ones to leave because they can’t get what they want. And it’s really fun watching their pretty behinds heading out the door.

I’ll tell you right now this man has everything he wants from you – your attention, your body and now your heart. And if he’s not giving much back now, he probably won’t give much back later.

But go ahead. Try him. Ask for the commitment you deserve. And then do a silent touchdown cheer as you watch his butt bolt.

This is the moment when you will know your worth. Do you have the backbone to withstand this moment and stay strong until a more giving man comes in your life?

I think you do. In fact, I know you do.

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