Is He Stringing Me Along?

Kara Pound Kara Pound • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I’ve been dating someone from an online dating site for two months. He pursued me for a couple of years to meet him. We hit it off from the first date. Because we live in different cities, it’s hard to see each other more than once or twice a week. He calls me every night, and we talk a lot but not a lot about “us.” I still see him on the dating site and want to know if it would be OK for me to ask about it. I don’t want to be strung along thinking things are moving forward if in fact he’s still searching online. I feel like I have some mixed messages going on and would like to know the truth. Thanks!”

-Michele T. (New York)

Expert’s Answer:

Hello Michele,

Thanks so much for taking the time to write in. You basically answered this question for yourself. Yes! Definitely ask him what he’s looking for in your relationship. I know it’s easier said than done, but that’s the only way you’re going to get real answers. Maybe your guy just forgot to take down his dating profile or maybe he is still actively looking for a future Miss Right. You can analyze the situation until you’re blue in the face, but asking him is absolutely the best way to go about this situation. William Shakespeare once said, “No legacy is so rich as honesty.” Homeboy nailed it. Be honest, be direct and nobody can tell you that you’re wrong or that your heart isn’t in the right place. Michele, find out the truth and ask him point blank, “Are we exclusive? Are you still actively looking for women online? Is this an open relationship?” The hope is that you will receive honesty in return and can then decide how you’d like to proceed with the relationship.

Best of luck!