I’ve Been Secretly Seeing My Boss. Can You Help Me?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I have been secretly seeing my boss at work. He says he’s 100 percent single. We went on an incredible first date.

I found out he’s really controlling, though. He’s really insecure and he has trust issues.

After our date, we both felt really strange that there was such a deep connection, so we decided to take it further. We kissed and then we slept together.

After that, he told me he wants to take it slow. He still calls me, texts me and always asks if everything is OK with me, but something feels off.

Can you help me?

-Anya (Pennsylvania)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Anya,

I’ll tell you what’s “off.” In fact, there are at least three things that are off about this relationship.

First of all, you had sex before you had any relationship definition.

Research shows couples who have sex within 30 days of dating or who have sex before sexual exclusivity is agreed upon have the worst relationship outcomes.

Secondly, his controlling and insecure personality doesn’t sound like the ideal boyfriend. It’s a little off that you are attracted to this.

Finally, he could be breaking the law because of his status as your superior in your place of employment.

His check-ins to see if you’re “OK” might be a way to gauge if you are feeling sexually harassed and might sue the company,

Even if you had sex consensually, it can still be construed as sexual harassment.

Here are your choices: dump him, get a relationship definition or get a lawyer.

Only you know what’s truly going on here. Ask your gut.


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