Kissing on the First Date: Know the Rules and the Limits

Women's Dating

Kissing on the First Date: Know the Rules and the Limits

Nick Slade Nick Slade • 6/15/15

Nothing puts a spark into a relationship like that magical first kiss. Still, it’s hard for a woman to know if it’s too soon. Is it appropriate to kiss on the first date? Is it OK for a girl to make the first move? How should she go about it? What is the man going to think?

Slow down. Unless you’re still in high school, kissing on the first date is perfectly acceptable, though not required. Just keep a few guidelines in mind.

The first meeting.

If you met online, it’s a blind date, or it’s your first date after that chance meeting when you gave him your number, take your time. It’s important to develop a personal rapport before you take it to the next level. Take a little time to get to know and like each other first. If you’re not ready to give him the message of acceptance that comes with a kiss, just go right for the hug at the end of the date.

If you want to show him you’re interested but want to keep that first kiss short and sweet, it’s best if you make the move and plant a small one on his lips. If you initiate the kiss, that makes you the “kisser” and him the “kissee,” which means you get to decide what kind of kiss it will be. It will also keep that end-of-night moment from being awkward because he probably doesn’t know what to do either.

A quick smack is fine, or maybe two or three seconds, depending on the impression you want to give. That’s plenty of time to give him a thrill. If you kiss any longer, he may have you in a full clench that you can’t escape without dampening the mood.


“Think about the end of the date in advance and how

you might want it to end, depending on how

well the date goes. Then stick to your plan.”

You’ve known him a while.

If it’s your first date with a guy you know well or have been flirting with for quite some time, the sexual tension is already poised to explode. Go with your gut and your comfort level.

If he’s a shy guy or just doesn’t know if it’s OK to make the move, give him the signals. Sit close, touch him when you talk to him, take his hand so he can feel your amazing skin, and get your face close and in the intimate zone when you talk. If he doesn’t take the hint, but you’re sure he’s into you, go for broke.

There’s a reason they call it “first base.”

A kiss is a powerful connection. It’s exciting, exhilarating and titillating. It gets the romantic juices flowing, and it can put a new relationship on a whole new course. To a man, a kiss can seem like a kind of promise that opens the door to a physical relationship.

That can be a beautiful thing, if you have the maturity, wisdom and self-control to mete out the physical pleasures in small doses. It’s great to give a man a taste of your sweetness that will inspire him and make him eagerly come back for more of your magnetic charm. But be warned: This may be the moment that your actions determine if this will become a physical affair that burns hot and burns out, never developing the deep roots of companionship, or if love will begin to grow slowly and gently, with the physical connection cementing and following but not leading the emotional connection.

Few men are going to slow down the train to paradise, so it’s up to you to turn down the heat. Nature has made it his job to have sex with you. It’s your job to decide if and when that is OK. It’s not OK tonight. He has no instinctual “off” switch, so if he gets carried away with your kisses, he may be rounding first base and heading for second and beyond. Tease, tantalize and hypnotize him with your kiss, but don’t get carried away by the passion of the moment.

Mature men will know the system and respect your restraint. But youth, cocktails or too much unrestrained passion can cause things to go too far. Think about the end of the date in advance and how you might want it to end, depending on how well the date goes. Then stick to your plan. Your head knows what’s best. In the heat of the moment, the heart and the body just want fulfillment.