I Met a Guy on an Adult Dating Site. How Do I Tell Him I Want More?

Gina Stewart Gina Stewart • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I signed up for an adult dating site. It was more of a joke, but I ended up meeting a guy who was too good looking to pass up. I’ve been sleeping with the guy in a “with benefits” sort of way for about six months.

Now we actually watch movies together, go out and spend a lot of time laughing and having fun. I am starting to feel a little more for him than just an F-buddy type thing, but would it be a betrayal after how we met to bring up having more?

-Lisa (California)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

You should be cautious. Women who have sexual relationships physiologically secrete hormones that make you bond and fall in love (oxytocin and vasopressin, specifically). It doesn’t happen that way for men.

And as much as I am pro woman, this is biology that surpasses any conscious effort. I tell you this to illustrate that just because you have developed feelings as a result of a sexual relationship doesn’t mean he has.

Men can have sex with literally zero emotional attachment. Their body’s physiology is built for it.

Men are still capable of emotional attachment, of course, so if you think he also has developed romantic feelings outside of sex and companionship, you can try to bring it up.

Otherwise, be mentally prepared for a response that doesn’t match your feelings.

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