One of My Boyfriends Wants to Get Serious. What Should I Do?

Gina Stewart Gina Stewart • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I’m poly and have a boyfriend in another state. I have started dating another guy up here (they know about each other) and it’s starting to get more serious, only now he’s pushing for me to be monogamous with him.

I still love my boyfriend but am unlikely to move to where he is. I care about this guy, but I worry he’s putting unrealistic expectations on me.

What should I do?

-Julie (Massachusetts)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

What is the point of being poly with someone whom you can’t be in the same state with and have no intention of moving to be with? So you can feel bad about developing feelings for someone who lives where you live?

Since you’re not interested in moving, what kind of relationship is worth maintaining? There is no happy ending to that scenario.

That said, whether or not you want to monogamous or serious with the new guy is a separate issue you need to address on its on merits.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.