Should I Ask Him to Take Down His Profile?

Women's Dating

Should I Ask Him to Take Down His Profile?

Julie Spira Julie Spira • 9/25/14

Your online dating profile is your digital billboard to tell other members you’re available and are willing to be contacted for a potential date.

One of the most common questions I get asked as an online dating expert and coach is, “When should we take down our profiles? Do we do this together as a ritual, or should I take mine down and hope he or she does the same?”

This isn’t an answer that comes in a one-size-fits-all format. Most men don’t like being pressured or being told what to do in a relationship.

In a perfect world, women prefer men take their profiles down first as part of the courting process, but has life ever been perfect all the time?

A series of real-life stories.

I’ll be sharing examples on how to approach the issue.

When *Mark asked *Joni to go away for their first weekend together, it was assumed this would be the first time they would be intimate.

Both of their profiles were still active on the online dating site they met on. Joni was hoping Mark would take his profile down first.

Once you add sex to your relationship, unless it’s a mutually agreed open relationship, it is time to have the conversation. I call it digital housekeeping.

I advised Joni to let Mark know she isn’t into casual sex and would love to participate in making the holiday reservations together.

With that, she said she’d also like to have a mutual ceremony to take down their dating profiles together over a bottle of wine.

Fortunately, Mark agreed and thought it was a great idea.

Their relationship flourished and no one had to ask a friend to sneak around and see if their significant other was still online.


“Once you add sex to your relationship,

it is time to have the conversation.”

This scenario doesn’t always work.

If Mark said he wasn’t ready to take down his profile, I would’ve advised Joni to thank him for the offer to go away for the weekend but to let him know she wasn’t ready until they both wanted to date exclusively.

Do you believe the man should take his profile down first? Would you ever ask him to do so? Do you like the idea of a mutual ceremony to retire your profiles together?

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